It feels like everything is almost normal, but at the same time it isn't, it's so far from it. It's like it is there, but it's not. I guess I am just confused, one minute I am so so happy, the next.... empty I guess. I don't even have a clue what is going on with my emotions, it's like I have been possessed by all the Mr Men charaters at once and they are fighting over who can control me at any given moment.
The thing is, I'm happy, I am.... and I guess things work in strange ways. Just yesterday the legend that is Gary Speed, Wales most capped outfield footballer, and current manager of the National squad, died, in what is suspected as suicide from depression. It's scary, a guy who to everyone on the outside seemed so happy, apparently wasn't.... that is fucked up. Not just, a little fucked, massively. To him, his goals were play for his country, and than manage them, have a wife he loves, and children. Be financially secure, and be happy. It seemed like he did have it all, but clearly something wasn't quite right, and that is scary.
Why do we opearte we do? Why can some people deal with things others cant? How can some people be scared of something others love? I guess we are all unique, we all operate differently at every moment. We all can react to certain things better. Is it experience? Is it in our own predetermined natures? I don't know but it is what makes us who we are. This is a pretty frigging deep post, and that's odd. Inside I am happy, outside I am happy, but deep deep down, I am scared. Scared of a lot, the thing is I'm the kind of guy that likes to know what is going to happen. I look at certain things, alcohol could cause liver failure, smoking could cause cancer, speeding could cause a crash. These things can, to some extent, be predicted. Unfortunately scary stuff like natural disasters, electrocution from your own house, random heart attachs, cannot!! These just happen and that is scary. At the same time you also can't control other people's thoughts and feelings, or even ever truly know and understand them. That is because we are unique, and at the end of the day if you, in your life time, are lucky enough to find someone that gets you, that cares for you, that sees the real you, than damn those are some uncotrolable odds you just overcame.
DOes any of what I have written make sense? Is there a purpose or hidden meaning to it? No I've been up front about it all, I just needed to type down what is going on for me. You see here is the thing, I am fucking awesome. I have people that care for me, look out for me, and what to see me achieve my potential.
I am frigging lucky, for the reasons above, and soo many more. I am blessed, damn in 2011 how many people's parents are still together, would support them no matter what?
I am me, and fuck any of you who ever say that's not enough, it is, simply because I am happy and I'm not screwing anyone over to make sure of that, in fact, quite often I don't give a shit about my immediate feelings if they will make someone else happy in the meantime, because if I am making that sacrifice to make them happy, than their happiness matters a hell of a lot to me, and that means, in the long run I will be happy because I made the right decision.
See there's those frigging Mr men characters coming out again, but hey, it shows Im human, I am normal. I feel emotions. If you cut me I frigging bleed, if you hurt me, sure Im gonna cry. If you tell me you love me and you mean it, I'm gonna be on cloud 9. In fact higher, I don't know where cloud 9 is but screw it, I'm on a higher cloud because whilst self love is important, nothing can compete with the love from someone else. To some extent you have to love yourself otherwise who would love you?
This post has been like a psychodelic trip through my thoughts. As you will see they aren't structured, I like going off on tangents, taking detours. It makes my life interesting and it makes me happy. Make others happy, and you will be happy, if we don't have happiness, what do we have?
"Some things are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."
Monday 28 November 2011
Sunday 27 November 2011
Nosocomephobia
So it turns out I suck at remembering password and email addresses for accounts, I failed again so its taken me a few days to work it out again.
Anyway this has been a week full of emotions. There was a lot going on, both on a personal level, a health level, and a social level.
I know I have spent ages talking about my girl in San Francisco and how much I love her, the biggest issue is, of course, being so far away, and this week has been very tough. It isn't something I want to go in to here or anywhere, it's something I've worked through and I can't wait for her to be in Europe. With any relationship there's going to be misunderstandings, arguments and the like, but as long as throughout it all there is love that is all that matters. It's strange, I never really know if I believed in love, destiny, one person etc. I know for a fact I am in love now. It's truly impossible to explain it, to put it one way, I don't have desires for anyone else, I don't want anyone else. Her being happy makes me over the moon, imagining that smile that lights up the room, its just magical. In a really lame way whenever I look through photos of her, or the one I have in my room of us it puts a huge smile on my face and tears of joy in my eyes. Of course when you love someone, those tears can be tears of sadness, namely the ones that flooded my face whenever I have to say bye to fly away, other ones are when I've said something wrong, or I know she isn't happy and I'm to an extent responsible. I realise I'm kind of talking in code here, and to be frank that's how I want it to be. At the end of the day I realise that since being with her my love for myself has grown and my need for people to like me isn't as important, it's all about me making sure I love me and am proud of how I behave. I'm not 100% there yet but I am getting there and I can honestly say I love myself more now than I have in a long long time. I don't really care if people read what I write, I write it for me, to release what is on my mind rather than bottle it up, and now I have saved my log in details I will be writing more.
Ok so that section is dealt with, now health.
Recently it's been strange, I don;t do being ill, I am terrified of hospitals ever since a child. It's really weird because my fear actually stemmed from visiting a close relative when I was very young, and I was running/ dancing around the hospital singing "you're nearly dead, you're nearly dead". Turns out the relative did die and I guess subconsciously it scares me. People go to hospitals to be made healthy but there is so much pain and sadness in the hospital that I try to stay away. I guess to explain it more lets go through my experiences.
Aged 5 I was picking up some books off the classroom time at tidy up time when the smallest girl ever in her plimsoles stepped trod on my little finger and snapped it. I had to go unconscious and have metal put in there. Now my finger bends like mad and it's going to be ruined for life.
About 9 years ago I was riding my bike back from tennis practice when I turned and got thrown off my bike. I didn't have my helmet on, purely because I am an moron. Luckily the helmet followed me off the handlebars and landed perfectly under my head. My arm took an almighty crack and the lovely bus driver that also collided with me made a point of telling me to get out the fucking road. My mate ran to a door and got them to call my mum to come and get me. My bike was fucked, I was in pain but the hospital was not an option. I refused to go to the hospital insisting I was fine and it was a bruise. 6 weeks later, still in pain, i caved in. We went to the hospital and it turned out, as expected, my arm had broken and had regrown the wrong way. That meant them snapping my arm back into place, broken twice in 2 months.
About 2 years ago I was playing football at uni, running up the wing when i went over on my ankle. I immediately felt pain and hobbled off. It was my clutch foot but being a moron, as always, I jumped in the car and drove home. 10 hours later, with my foot now a distinct black I called my mate and got him to go to the hospital with me. Whilst sitting in the waiting room I walked out to get a cab, dragged back in by reception I sat back down, she took my shoe and sock off to look at it, and whilst engaged in conversation I walked out of the hospital and got in to a cab, dragged back in I was finally seen, and shocker, my ankle was broken.
You see, the thing is, I am stupid when it comes to hospitals. On the bike my helmet had flown off to stop my head, as if someone was protecting me. Well on thursday this week I turned the bathroom light off, positive my hands were dry. All of a sudden I felt this pain like never before, shoot across my right arm, through my chest and threw my left arm unto the air. I let out a very loud but masculine (I know I thought it would be like a girl) scream. Well the electrician has been around this weekend and it turns out I had 230volts of electricity run across my heart. An amount that would stop 90% of people hearts and kill them, but here I was, surviving it without a scratch. Hmm what the hell does that have to do with hospitals, I dunno haha but hey whatever Im just the typer,my brain doesnt function logical so shh just read and try and enjoy learning about my crazy life.
Ok so on Friday I decided to go to the fox poker club to play. I sat down at 1/1 because Im not thrilled with my live poker, within 2 hours I was close to 4 buyins in (£400) and genuinely hadn;t played badly. Normal Kieran would of just thrown away the rest of the money and got home early. Instead I put my headphones in and focused. Good old deadmau5 calming me down with his sexualy penetrating beats. Feeling focused I looked down in the Big Blind at 3-3. It got raised to £12 (standard with these players) and 6 people called, meaning I had to. THe flop came down 10-3-4 with 2 spades, I didn't have a spade. I had about £80 and miscalculated the pot, only betting £25. Instantly it was raised to £75, everybody folded and I put in the rest. Turn 6 spades, river q spades. FUCK damn flush damn damn damn damn damn...... K-10 he said, turing over no spade!!!! Wow back in the game. THey announced a poker tournament was starting and I almost went to it, avoiding it I carried on playing and went on a rush, walking out eventually quite a bit up. I was just really happy that I focused and didn't get emotionally effected by the cards. I think it stems all the way back to the earlier point in this post, because I am happier with who I am, and it keeps me grounded, at the same time I am appreciating somehow still being alive.
I guess it has been a week of realisation, it's time to be appreciating every moment in every day, being thankful for being in love, and having someone who loves me, not counting down the days till she comes. It is something to look forward to but life is short, we can go at any minute from something as random as an electric shock in your own house, so why wish any time away, just appreciate the time you have with people you know, make sure when you are with someone somewhere you are listening to them and showing you are glad your with them. It doesn;t need to be said, but it needs to be felt, so put your frigging mobile away, text people your not with, but not the whole time, nobody likes sitting talking about something important while the person your talking to is on their phone, it's not nice, so yeah just be respectful and love yourself.
Anyway this has been a week full of emotions. There was a lot going on, both on a personal level, a health level, and a social level.
I know I have spent ages talking about my girl in San Francisco and how much I love her, the biggest issue is, of course, being so far away, and this week has been very tough. It isn't something I want to go in to here or anywhere, it's something I've worked through and I can't wait for her to be in Europe. With any relationship there's going to be misunderstandings, arguments and the like, but as long as throughout it all there is love that is all that matters. It's strange, I never really know if I believed in love, destiny, one person etc. I know for a fact I am in love now. It's truly impossible to explain it, to put it one way, I don't have desires for anyone else, I don't want anyone else. Her being happy makes me over the moon, imagining that smile that lights up the room, its just magical. In a really lame way whenever I look through photos of her, or the one I have in my room of us it puts a huge smile on my face and tears of joy in my eyes. Of course when you love someone, those tears can be tears of sadness, namely the ones that flooded my face whenever I have to say bye to fly away, other ones are when I've said something wrong, or I know she isn't happy and I'm to an extent responsible. I realise I'm kind of talking in code here, and to be frank that's how I want it to be. At the end of the day I realise that since being with her my love for myself has grown and my need for people to like me isn't as important, it's all about me making sure I love me and am proud of how I behave. I'm not 100% there yet but I am getting there and I can honestly say I love myself more now than I have in a long long time. I don't really care if people read what I write, I write it for me, to release what is on my mind rather than bottle it up, and now I have saved my log in details I will be writing more.
Ok so that section is dealt with, now health.
Recently it's been strange, I don;t do being ill, I am terrified of hospitals ever since a child. It's really weird because my fear actually stemmed from visiting a close relative when I was very young, and I was running/ dancing around the hospital singing "you're nearly dead, you're nearly dead". Turns out the relative did die and I guess subconsciously it scares me. People go to hospitals to be made healthy but there is so much pain and sadness in the hospital that I try to stay away. I guess to explain it more lets go through my experiences.
Aged 5 I was picking up some books off the classroom time at tidy up time when the smallest girl ever in her plimsoles stepped trod on my little finger and snapped it. I had to go unconscious and have metal put in there. Now my finger bends like mad and it's going to be ruined for life.
About 9 years ago I was riding my bike back from tennis practice when I turned and got thrown off my bike. I didn't have my helmet on, purely because I am an moron. Luckily the helmet followed me off the handlebars and landed perfectly under my head. My arm took an almighty crack and the lovely bus driver that also collided with me made a point of telling me to get out the fucking road. My mate ran to a door and got them to call my mum to come and get me. My bike was fucked, I was in pain but the hospital was not an option. I refused to go to the hospital insisting I was fine and it was a bruise. 6 weeks later, still in pain, i caved in. We went to the hospital and it turned out, as expected, my arm had broken and had regrown the wrong way. That meant them snapping my arm back into place, broken twice in 2 months.
About 2 years ago I was playing football at uni, running up the wing when i went over on my ankle. I immediately felt pain and hobbled off. It was my clutch foot but being a moron, as always, I jumped in the car and drove home. 10 hours later, with my foot now a distinct black I called my mate and got him to go to the hospital with me. Whilst sitting in the waiting room I walked out to get a cab, dragged back in by reception I sat back down, she took my shoe and sock off to look at it, and whilst engaged in conversation I walked out of the hospital and got in to a cab, dragged back in I was finally seen, and shocker, my ankle was broken.
You see, the thing is, I am stupid when it comes to hospitals. On the bike my helmet had flown off to stop my head, as if someone was protecting me. Well on thursday this week I turned the bathroom light off, positive my hands were dry. All of a sudden I felt this pain like never before, shoot across my right arm, through my chest and threw my left arm unto the air. I let out a very loud but masculine (I know I thought it would be like a girl) scream. Well the electrician has been around this weekend and it turns out I had 230volts of electricity run across my heart. An amount that would stop 90% of people hearts and kill them, but here I was, surviving it without a scratch. Hmm what the hell does that have to do with hospitals, I dunno haha but hey whatever Im just the typer,my brain doesnt function logical so shh just read and try and enjoy learning about my crazy life.
Ok so on Friday I decided to go to the fox poker club to play. I sat down at 1/1 because Im not thrilled with my live poker, within 2 hours I was close to 4 buyins in (£400) and genuinely hadn;t played badly. Normal Kieran would of just thrown away the rest of the money and got home early. Instead I put my headphones in and focused. Good old deadmau5 calming me down with his sexualy penetrating beats. Feeling focused I looked down in the Big Blind at 3-3. It got raised to £12 (standard with these players) and 6 people called, meaning I had to. THe flop came down 10-3-4 with 2 spades, I didn't have a spade. I had about £80 and miscalculated the pot, only betting £25. Instantly it was raised to £75, everybody folded and I put in the rest. Turn 6 spades, river q spades. FUCK damn flush damn damn damn damn damn...... K-10 he said, turing over no spade!!!! Wow back in the game. THey announced a poker tournament was starting and I almost went to it, avoiding it I carried on playing and went on a rush, walking out eventually quite a bit up. I was just really happy that I focused and didn't get emotionally effected by the cards. I think it stems all the way back to the earlier point in this post, because I am happier with who I am, and it keeps me grounded, at the same time I am appreciating somehow still being alive.
I guess it has been a week of realisation, it's time to be appreciating every moment in every day, being thankful for being in love, and having someone who loves me, not counting down the days till she comes. It is something to look forward to but life is short, we can go at any minute from something as random as an electric shock in your own house, so why wish any time away, just appreciate the time you have with people you know, make sure when you are with someone somewhere you are listening to them and showing you are glad your with them. It doesn;t need to be said, but it needs to be felt, so put your frigging mobile away, text people your not with, but not the whole time, nobody likes sitting talking about something important while the person your talking to is on their phone, it's not nice, so yeah just be respectful and love yourself.
Tuesday 8 November 2011
Passwords, Dilemmas, Health, Poker, Love
I really do feel disappointed in myself that everytime I come round to doing this I have to start with an apology for taking so long. I probably looked at my blog 30 or 40 time recently thinking how amazing it is to write and how I miss it, how I should blog as so much is going on and has happened but I never get round to it.
So I went to log on, turns out now due to work and other commitments I have set up numerous blogs under different accounts. The smart me would have just created several blogs in the same account, but he left long ago. So after what must have been 3 hours trying different passwords and different accounts I finally unlocked it and I am back.
Well that isn't exactly the exciting start to the blog I wanted to have but it's a start. Thanks for reading...... ok ok I'll go on to give a real catchup now.
So where did I leave it? Well last time I wrote was back in January and I had an amazing time in America. Thank God I made a list of things to talk about in my next blog, and thank you for commenting random follower :)
1) My trip to SF
2) My poker playing
3) Her
4) Decisions to make about my future
5) Crazy stuff thats on my mind!
Ok so let's start with 1.
Well what do I say, my work trip to SF for an initial 3 months that turned into 6 was incredible, life changing.
It was really strange initially. I landed in America, never having been there before and no idea what to expect. I landed and went straight to the work office where they took me to my appartment, a very nice 1 bed open plan room at one of the highest points in the centre of SF. Great view but a nightmare to walk to after a long day at work.
Initial thoughts, wow this place is amazing, frigging hell I am tired. You see call it whatever you want, nerves, excitement, stupidity it makes no odds. I thought that as someone who doesn't sleep well on a plane and with my flight at stupid o clock that I should stay up the whole night so that I could sleep on the plane. Well I achieved the first part and once at the airport I realised I wasn't tired. Hmmm what helps me sleep, how about a beer they make me tired. So there I found myself at 6am in a bar alone drinking a refreshing pint of carlsberg.
As the flight begun to board the realisation hit. I was going to America, oh my word I have dreamed of this for years. Ever since a teen, and even before, I use to watch those crappy America films that made life seem so amazing as a student - American Pie, Loser, Scary Movie, add to that One Tree Hill, Friends and the OC and my view on America was painted and that is what I wanted, minus the murdering (of humor in Friends - controversial I know).
Well as we all know being excited stops you from sleeping, we all do it, we get excited and every time we close our eyes all we think about is that exciting event and forget to sleep. So 10 hours later and 3 movies that I have no recollection of I landed.
Well that takes me to arriving and being jetlagged. Americans are truly friendly and helpful and they provided me with a map of the area incase I got lost. Well being me I said thanks, made a note of my flat address on my phone, left the map in the room and decided screw it I want to get lost. I can't even explain how magical it all was, just walking the streets no idea where to go or what to do but just wanted to walk around and take it all in, no screw that I wanted to run around screaming at the top of my voice AMMERRICAAA (we will come on to that later :p). So in the end I thought, hmm I am tired but it's too early for bed... to the pub. About 30 minutes later there I was in the pub watching this crazy sport I couldn't understand called baseball. After sitting staring blankly at the screen drinking Budweiser (which I later found out is a no no in America) a couple asked me where I was from. After a good conversation I admitted I had no idea what was going on in front of me and they kindly explained baseball to me. I'm sure it made sense but with 60 hours without sleep and the beer going to my head I just smiled and nodded.
So that is the overview of the first day, next up is one I know a few people have asked several times and I might as well put it down here, afterall it is the greatest part of my experience in SF.
How I Met Her
I was at work, talking to Steve (English fella who got me the job out there) about how to meet people in the area. You see it's tough, I didn't feel comfortable enough to just go out and sit in a pub hoping to make friends, that is just weird. So he told me about this thing called craigslist. One of my goals in America was to attend a football (American) and Baseball game. Steve recommended that I make a post on Craigslist saying I am an English guy new to town looking to go to baseball games.
So I did, and the responses came. Even though I had no friends and all I had to go on was the paragraph or two that people responded with I was extremely picky labelling most of them psychopaths or geeks immediately. Than there was one... THere was something different about this one that got my attention, it claimed they were a girl, has never responded to a craigslist ad, and has a spare ticket for the game. Sure like that would happen, leave me alone paedo I don't want a frigging sweety..... Actually if it's sherbet lemons than I may be.... NO NO NO. Well than I thought, what's the worst that can happen, how about I talk a bit more and see. So I did and after a while we begun texting. You see I was still apprehensive and wasn't sure so we agreed to meet up a few days before the game. We swapped pictures (of course I spent a good 2 hours looking for one that said suave, mr cool, I'm awesome) and I looked at hers and thought, sheesh if she looks like this I will be unable to talk, come over all nervous, sweaty palms, stumbling words, making stupid comments, the lot.
So I was sitting waiting when I saw her, walking towards me, was this real, was this a prank, she looked just like her picture. There was this auroa around her though, a smile on her face, she just seemed so welcoming, so warm and friendly that I didn't have time to panic. We got talking and she asked where I wanted to go, so we settled on going to the beach. I had a backup plan to meet one of my sisters mates who lived near the beach so I could make my excuses if needs be and to be honest I didnt know how to get there. So we were at the beach and al was going well, I needed to speak to her, in some non weird psycho way I wanted a reason to hug her, get closer, she was amazing, so full of life. So after a genius plan of teaching her chinese boxing I had my excuse. It was going well but I didn't want her to be bored of me so we went our seperate ways, at least I knew I'd see her for the game :) ---- and that is all she wrote, the rest just happened and I am so so so happy and in love.
LA Homies
My great friend Hana had a penpal that she wrote to for years and years. After a while Hana decided to go and meet this penpal who lived in LA, and they became inseperable, just like sisters. Well whilst I was in SF Hana was in LA and convinced her "sister" and her mate to do a roadtrip to see me. After making an idiot of myself and proposing to her "sister" with a paper clip wrapped in a $1 note, I really enjoyed seeing them and they invited me to visit them in LA. After discussing dates we went with Halloween... apparently this was big in America and they wanted me to come to a rave. So I jumped on my $20 1 hour flight with live sky tv on the plane and landed.
Hana's "sister" (Who from now on will be called by her real name Ariele) and her friend (Paul) had already displayed in SF that they were amazing, unique, kind hearted people (see post The Best Time to Make Friends Is Before You Need them for more details). So there I was in LA getting ready for Halloween. It turned out we were going to the LA Sports Arena for an all night rave with their friends Nate, Nicole and Allan and that we had all you can drink passes for the rave. Paul and I spent a good 2 hours picking outfits, Paul finally settling on the same outfit he always wears and me deciding to go for Kick Ass.
All you can drink is deadly, very very deadly. You see I turned to the gang later on in the night and said I'm not even drunk yet, to which they laughed. It turned out I had spent the night running around shouting AMERICA AMERRICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA at the top of my voice and demanding that everyone gave me a high five. When a group clearly from the ghetto looked at me and refused to do so, I decided to say "High five me now bitch or I'll kick your ass" to which thankfully they saw the humor in and complied.
There is so much more to say about that night but this blog is frigging long. So I'll leave you with a picture....
Well I went back to Pauls for Thanksgiving too and that was amazing. I am so sorry for this being so long and boring...
I'm going to leave it there for now, but will be back SOOOOON:
2) My poker playing (need an update on)
3) Her (Check)
4) Decisions to make about my future (Screw that, no longer relevant but I'll update you on it)
5) Crazy stuff thats on my mind! (Well I'm crazy, I have a mind, so that will always need to be updated.)
If you made it to the end in one sitting please see a psychiatrist, you are not normal, but thanks :)
So I went to log on, turns out now due to work and other commitments I have set up numerous blogs under different accounts. The smart me would have just created several blogs in the same account, but he left long ago. So after what must have been 3 hours trying different passwords and different accounts I finally unlocked it and I am back.
Well that isn't exactly the exciting start to the blog I wanted to have but it's a start. Thanks for reading...... ok ok I'll go on to give a real catchup now.
So where did I leave it? Well last time I wrote was back in January and I had an amazing time in America. Thank God I made a list of things to talk about in my next blog, and thank you for commenting random follower :)
1) My trip to SF
2) My poker playing
3) Her
4) Decisions to make about my future
5) Crazy stuff thats on my mind!
Ok so let's start with 1.
Well what do I say, my work trip to SF for an initial 3 months that turned into 6 was incredible, life changing.
It was really strange initially. I landed in America, never having been there before and no idea what to expect. I landed and went straight to the work office where they took me to my appartment, a very nice 1 bed open plan room at one of the highest points in the centre of SF. Great view but a nightmare to walk to after a long day at work.
Initial thoughts, wow this place is amazing, frigging hell I am tired. You see call it whatever you want, nerves, excitement, stupidity it makes no odds. I thought that as someone who doesn't sleep well on a plane and with my flight at stupid o clock that I should stay up the whole night so that I could sleep on the plane. Well I achieved the first part and once at the airport I realised I wasn't tired. Hmmm what helps me sleep, how about a beer they make me tired. So there I found myself at 6am in a bar alone drinking a refreshing pint of carlsberg.
As the flight begun to board the realisation hit. I was going to America, oh my word I have dreamed of this for years. Ever since a teen, and even before, I use to watch those crappy America films that made life seem so amazing as a student - American Pie, Loser, Scary Movie, add to that One Tree Hill, Friends and the OC and my view on America was painted and that is what I wanted, minus the murdering (of humor in Friends - controversial I know).
Well as we all know being excited stops you from sleeping, we all do it, we get excited and every time we close our eyes all we think about is that exciting event and forget to sleep. So 10 hours later and 3 movies that I have no recollection of I landed.
Well that takes me to arriving and being jetlagged. Americans are truly friendly and helpful and they provided me with a map of the area incase I got lost. Well being me I said thanks, made a note of my flat address on my phone, left the map in the room and decided screw it I want to get lost. I can't even explain how magical it all was, just walking the streets no idea where to go or what to do but just wanted to walk around and take it all in, no screw that I wanted to run around screaming at the top of my voice AMMERRICAAA (we will come on to that later :p). So in the end I thought, hmm I am tired but it's too early for bed... to the pub. About 30 minutes later there I was in the pub watching this crazy sport I couldn't understand called baseball. After sitting staring blankly at the screen drinking Budweiser (which I later found out is a no no in America) a couple asked me where I was from. After a good conversation I admitted I had no idea what was going on in front of me and they kindly explained baseball to me. I'm sure it made sense but with 60 hours without sleep and the beer going to my head I just smiled and nodded.
So that is the overview of the first day, next up is one I know a few people have asked several times and I might as well put it down here, afterall it is the greatest part of my experience in SF.
How I Met Her
I was at work, talking to Steve (English fella who got me the job out there) about how to meet people in the area. You see it's tough, I didn't feel comfortable enough to just go out and sit in a pub hoping to make friends, that is just weird. So he told me about this thing called craigslist. One of my goals in America was to attend a football (American) and Baseball game. Steve recommended that I make a post on Craigslist saying I am an English guy new to town looking to go to baseball games.
So I did, and the responses came. Even though I had no friends and all I had to go on was the paragraph or two that people responded with I was extremely picky labelling most of them psychopaths or geeks immediately. Than there was one... THere was something different about this one that got my attention, it claimed they were a girl, has never responded to a craigslist ad, and has a spare ticket for the game. Sure like that would happen, leave me alone paedo I don't want a frigging sweety..... Actually if it's sherbet lemons than I may be.... NO NO NO. Well than I thought, what's the worst that can happen, how about I talk a bit more and see. So I did and after a while we begun texting. You see I was still apprehensive and wasn't sure so we agreed to meet up a few days before the game. We swapped pictures (of course I spent a good 2 hours looking for one that said suave, mr cool, I'm awesome) and I looked at hers and thought, sheesh if she looks like this I will be unable to talk, come over all nervous, sweaty palms, stumbling words, making stupid comments, the lot.
So I was sitting waiting when I saw her, walking towards me, was this real, was this a prank, she looked just like her picture. There was this auroa around her though, a smile on her face, she just seemed so welcoming, so warm and friendly that I didn't have time to panic. We got talking and she asked where I wanted to go, so we settled on going to the beach. I had a backup plan to meet one of my sisters mates who lived near the beach so I could make my excuses if needs be and to be honest I didnt know how to get there. So we were at the beach and al was going well, I needed to speak to her, in some non weird psycho way I wanted a reason to hug her, get closer, she was amazing, so full of life. So after a genius plan of teaching her chinese boxing I had my excuse. It was going well but I didn't want her to be bored of me so we went our seperate ways, at least I knew I'd see her for the game :) ---- and that is all she wrote, the rest just happened and I am so so so happy and in love.
LA Homies
My great friend Hana had a penpal that she wrote to for years and years. After a while Hana decided to go and meet this penpal who lived in LA, and they became inseperable, just like sisters. Well whilst I was in SF Hana was in LA and convinced her "sister" and her mate to do a roadtrip to see me. After making an idiot of myself and proposing to her "sister" with a paper clip wrapped in a $1 note, I really enjoyed seeing them and they invited me to visit them in LA. After discussing dates we went with Halloween... apparently this was big in America and they wanted me to come to a rave. So I jumped on my $20 1 hour flight with live sky tv on the plane and landed.
Hana's "sister" (Who from now on will be called by her real name Ariele) and her friend (Paul) had already displayed in SF that they were amazing, unique, kind hearted people (see post The Best Time to Make Friends Is Before You Need them for more details). So there I was in LA getting ready for Halloween. It turned out we were going to the LA Sports Arena for an all night rave with their friends Nate, Nicole and Allan and that we had all you can drink passes for the rave. Paul and I spent a good 2 hours picking outfits, Paul finally settling on the same outfit he always wears and me deciding to go for Kick Ass.
All you can drink is deadly, very very deadly. You see I turned to the gang later on in the night and said I'm not even drunk yet, to which they laughed. It turned out I had spent the night running around shouting AMERICA AMERRICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA at the top of my voice and demanding that everyone gave me a high five. When a group clearly from the ghetto looked at me and refused to do so, I decided to say "High five me now bitch or I'll kick your ass" to which thankfully they saw the humor in and complied.
There is so much more to say about that night but this blog is frigging long. So I'll leave you with a picture....
Well I went back to Pauls for Thanksgiving too and that was amazing. I am so sorry for this being so long and boring...
I'm going to leave it there for now, but will be back SOOOOON:
2) My poker playing (need an update on)
3) Her (Check)
4) Decisions to make about my future (Screw that, no longer relevant but I'll update you on it)
5) Crazy stuff thats on my mind! (Well I'm crazy, I have a mind, so that will always need to be updated.)
If you made it to the end in one sitting please see a psychiatrist, you are not normal, but thanks :)
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