So this is it, the end of the year and another fast approaching. It's the time we all come up with things we are going to do the next year, or not do, in order to make the year better and healthier.
The thing is, I'm alive, I'm happy and I have friends and family that I wouldn't ever change. From passing my house on their way home and calling to see if I want a chat, to those that are there every week playing poker. From those that are in England, and those that are not. None of them are any better or worse than the others, the relationships I have made are ones that have made me. Every person in my life has made me who I am and without them I wouldn't have the same clarity and happiness I have. Sure it is a new year, and of course I will nulify this paragraph by listing what I would like to do in the new year, but none of them are set in stone. Why force yourself to do something, it could make you miss out on opportunities that occur at random and these are some of the best ones in our life.
WhatI learnt last year has given me the clarity for the new year. I learnt how to love, and cope with being 5000 miles from her. It wasn't easy and to be honest its been really tough the last few months. The spark has gone, you see a gust of wind a thousand miles away is enough to blow out a flame, it's not as easy to reignite from distance. Whilst having some thinking time last night words came to mind, not written by anyone, not vert good, just my own, and I thought I'd put them on here.
"A gust of wind from a hundred miles can make a flame go out, if I set fire to place round here, will the emblems be picked up by this wind that took the spark away, and go back, reach you, touch you, help you remember, and relight the spark in your heart? I can do what I can, but not what I can't for the fire burns bright in my heart, it doesn't make sense how yours has gone out, but I can't beat myself up, all I hope is a spark comes back, whether its from me or someone else"
Damn that is shit haha. It sounded better when I hummed it in a shower to some kind of tune. Anyway, look I've learnt to be stronger, to be happy and grateful, to appreciate, and to act with conviction. It has been a very hard year, with a new job and moving back in to my parents, less money, but not less happiness, more appreciation for things that don't cost money.
So next year what do I want? Well I want to be in, or close to being in America.
I want to finally be disciplined with bankroll management for poker, and for life. I want to make people smile. I want to run a half marathon, I want my back to be straight again. I want my family and friends to be healthy and happy. I want to live for work rather than work to live (in other words enjoy my work).
Are there resolutions in there? Maybe yes, but there more general aims, how I get there I'm not going to define now, but I will doing everything I can to allow destiny to take me to my future by being open to opportunities.
Happy new year, I love you all.
Saturday 31 December 2011
Tuesday 27 December 2011
Do not read unless you want to see the emo side of me and feel depressed.
I strongly want to say that this is not the best thing to read over christmas, this is a time for happiness and joy, and i loved my christmas this year, the food and company was amazing! However its boxing day and theres things i have to type because otherwise i think what if, and id rather regret something I have done then something I have failed to do.
It's official, this sucks. I just can't plan, and don't get me wrong, I love spontaneous acts, times when you go out with no plan and let it happen, but this is my life.
I don't think anyone can truly understand what I feel, its odd, i 100% understand everything yet I still feel hurt and stuff. Its a situation where its logical but at times it feels like I no longer matter and I cant say it because saying it through a text or message on facebook leads it to be read in a different way and it backfires.
I really think the realisation is that after 5 months since seeing her., and spending 8 days together in the last 12 months its likely going to be a very short time spent together again, and probably not even for my birthday. I feel guilty for feeling disappointed. You see I tend to not care about my birthday, its just another day, but what I want is her there for my birthday, in my mind I flew there for hers and just for that and I want the same if that makes sense. I know we cant control out health and stuff like that, and how american politics through health demand them to be super cautious and over protective because there paying for that shit so doctors demand catch up appointments just so they can rape your cheque book again, whereas with our healthcare being free doctors go, woops theres your tonsils gone, go eat crisps and toast and stop being a pussy. Its a different world and I have to accept that.
The other thing is, christmas is the best time of the year for me, it reminds me of my grandma in australia. I remember the first time I flew there to see her, meeting her (after so long, so the first real memory of her)I suddenly felt purpose, I had so many charactreristics in my personality that had come from her. We were connected, so connected that in a few years when sadly she passed away she appeared to me, in a dream or in person i dont care, and said goodbye, and i burst into tears, ran into my parents room and told them she was dead, 10 minutes later we got a phone call from Australia confirming it.
Anyway in the same year I was reconnected with her we flew back again to spend christmas there and she hated christmas, but we hung a tiny tree from her light and she smiled. It was like we bought the meaning of christmas to her, sharing it with your family having fun and giving thanks for them. Ever since then I have always loved Christmas and enjoyed it so much, its about family and giving. I guess I dont care too much about present receiving, but I spend an age planning what to get them, i put so much thought into it and dont expect much back. This year it felt like something was missing.
I guess all I want for the next year is to feel appreciated. Hearing or reading the words "I love you" mean so much more when you havent said them first. Having someone reach out to you more often rather than you reaching out the most. Getting messages on facebook profile letting you know your being thought about, or seeing it in their status or profile picture or blog, just one of them, even without mentioning me but mentioning how happy you are with a present. Even sending a present to me, fuck i dont care what it is, a card, a letter, from anyone! I see myself as very understanding and I try to pride myself on being understanding, but wheres the line where your being walked all over and being mugged off? I guess I just want to feel like im not a third or fourth choice, that im important, that I belong.
Damn this is frigging depressing and thats why the title is what it is, I just want to get whats in my head out and I have because its eating away and i cant say it because its not fair to say it and im a prick for writing it, but i had to.
It's official, this sucks. I just can't plan, and don't get me wrong, I love spontaneous acts, times when you go out with no plan and let it happen, but this is my life.
I don't think anyone can truly understand what I feel, its odd, i 100% understand everything yet I still feel hurt and stuff. Its a situation where its logical but at times it feels like I no longer matter and I cant say it because saying it through a text or message on facebook leads it to be read in a different way and it backfires.
I really think the realisation is that after 5 months since seeing her., and spending 8 days together in the last 12 months its likely going to be a very short time spent together again, and probably not even for my birthday. I feel guilty for feeling disappointed. You see I tend to not care about my birthday, its just another day, but what I want is her there for my birthday, in my mind I flew there for hers and just for that and I want the same if that makes sense. I know we cant control out health and stuff like that, and how american politics through health demand them to be super cautious and over protective because there paying for that shit so doctors demand catch up appointments just so they can rape your cheque book again, whereas with our healthcare being free doctors go, woops theres your tonsils gone, go eat crisps and toast and stop being a pussy. Its a different world and I have to accept that.
The other thing is, christmas is the best time of the year for me, it reminds me of my grandma in australia. I remember the first time I flew there to see her, meeting her (after so long, so the first real memory of her)I suddenly felt purpose, I had so many charactreristics in my personality that had come from her. We were connected, so connected that in a few years when sadly she passed away she appeared to me, in a dream or in person i dont care, and said goodbye, and i burst into tears, ran into my parents room and told them she was dead, 10 minutes later we got a phone call from Australia confirming it.
Anyway in the same year I was reconnected with her we flew back again to spend christmas there and she hated christmas, but we hung a tiny tree from her light and she smiled. It was like we bought the meaning of christmas to her, sharing it with your family having fun and giving thanks for them. Ever since then I have always loved Christmas and enjoyed it so much, its about family and giving. I guess I dont care too much about present receiving, but I spend an age planning what to get them, i put so much thought into it and dont expect much back. This year it felt like something was missing.
I guess all I want for the next year is to feel appreciated. Hearing or reading the words "I love you" mean so much more when you havent said them first. Having someone reach out to you more often rather than you reaching out the most. Getting messages on facebook profile letting you know your being thought about, or seeing it in their status or profile picture or blog, just one of them, even without mentioning me but mentioning how happy you are with a present. Even sending a present to me, fuck i dont care what it is, a card, a letter, from anyone! I see myself as very understanding and I try to pride myself on being understanding, but wheres the line where your being walked all over and being mugged off? I guess I just want to feel like im not a third or fourth choice, that im important, that I belong.
Damn this is frigging depressing and thats why the title is what it is, I just want to get whats in my head out and I have because its eating away and i cant say it because its not fair to say it and im a prick for writing it, but i had to.
Wednesday 14 December 2011
"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen"
So I haven't started with a title for this blog entry,just because I haven't quite decided what I am going to talk about,I just want to be honest to my writing style and have this post ridiculed with spelling mistakes, letters missing, wrong word choice, but honest and my mind.
Ok found one, and it is an epic quote credit to Ralph Waldo Emerson for that
As per usual I don't care who reads, this is for me because writing things down makes it all make sense. I do find it strange, recently my self belief, confidence, happiness and love for who I am has increased. At the same time stress at work, lack of control of the future, and confusion and nerves about it have increased. It doesn't make sense,essentially how happy am I, is it all a cover up? I don't think so, but I do feel that the picture in my head of where I want to be is starting to be more then a drunken pencil outline sketch.
You see the thing is I want to live in America. I guess to some thats obvious, I have awesome friends there, I fell in love there, I felt loved by so many people there, and I had the time of my life there. At the same time before I went I wanted to live there. Sure my experiences have increased my desire to get there.It is my future, I know that much. The ability to jump on a $40 return plane flight from SF to LA or Vegas with pretty much no notice to go and see friends is astonishing. It is crazy to think, I live in England and the rest of Europe is so close but we never take random weekend trips there. I guess the main reason is they speak a different language and it costs more, whereas in America they all speak close to the same..... just with different twangs and continual disregard towards the science and creation of English, but that is why I love them.
There is a lot going on in my personal/ love life too, stuff for me, however what I will say is how proud I am of her, this girl is a genius, kind, caring, and honest (add to that beautiful). This year hasen't been the easiest for her but she has graduated! Soon after graduating her dream internship is a reality... working with dolphins, in Israel centred around psychology. I am so happy for her as this is her dream and it needs to be seized. Of course it has an impact on her visit and travelling in Europe and that is up in the air at the moment, but so what! Damn a dream internship does not come along everyday, your lucky if it ever can happen in your life and if it comes along you have to be focused on you, especially for her, she aims to make everyone happy, well now its time for her to be happy and live that mother flipping dream, and its because she is so clever and good at juggling commitments that she has had this opportunity for her dream. If anything this proves that you HAVE to work for your dreams, they won't just drop in your lap you have to earn the right to have the opportunity. Its like the universe rewards you, it knows what you want, and acknowledges what you have done so it gives you the opportunity, its up to you to seize the day.
SO yes, I am going to move to America, next year ideally, 2013 at the latest, and I will miss soooo many people here, but I know they all know it is my dream,and whilst they will be disappointed (hey its natural) they will understand I have to do this. I don;t quite know exactly how I'm going to get there, but things are taking shape and its so exciting. I guess going back to the start of the post it does make sense now. I do kind of know the future, and I can control it to some extent, and I'm bloody working hard to let the universe acknowledge it, and Im happy because of all of that. Sure I have been extra emotional, who wouldn't be, it is almost exactly one year since I left America, and that hurts... I left. Would life have been different if I stayed somehow? Who knows, who cares, forget about the past, the past wont get me anywhere now, its the present that defines my future, so I guess I really need to keep focused, work hard, make sure I relax more so im not as tense and emotional, and be the best I can.
Sugar Im at the end now and none of what I wrote makes too much sense or has provided me with a blog title. I guess what I want to put in here now is a paragraph from Russel Bishop - check him out he rocks!
"
Energy Follows Thought
Have you ever noticed that if you persist in a thought, some kind of energy will begin to show up? In can be as simple as thinking about eating a favorite food and having saliva show up in your mouth. For those who need something even more basic, have you ever gotten yourself excited simply by holding a thought in your head? There are countless examples that could be developed here, but I think the basic idea should be pretty obvious: hold a thought in your head long enough and you will begin to experience some kind of energy related to the thought.
However, day dreaming about food or sex or a new job or becoming the next zillionaire will probably not be sufficient to create any change in your circumstance. Sooner or later, you are going to have to act on your thoughts, and you will probably need some kind of energy to get you going.
Thought, in this case, a form of thought I am calling a positive focus, is a necessary but not sufficient precursor to creating something in life. That's because, the universe rewards action, not thought.
The Universe Rewards Action, Not Thought
If all it took were a few well imagined circumstances and persistent positive thought, there would be all manner of zillionaires out there. However, it is probably evident to most that you are unlikely to produce much of substance simply by thinking about something.
Sooner or later, you are going to have get up off your duff, get yourself actively engaged in the area of your focus, and start to do the work necessary. Surely it is obvious that results typically come after some kind of effort or energy is expended in a particular direction.
Notice that I did not say that just because you hold a positive thought, something positive will occur. Neither did I say that just because you got all energized about it, something positive would occur. In fact, you can hold a real nice, positive thought about a great outcome, get yourself revved up about it, do a whole bunch of things that you think should work and still come up short.
That's because the universe rewards action, not thought. And, sometimes the "rewards" may take the form of "negative" results or "negative" feedback.
The tricky part here is that when you hold a thought about a positive outcome and take affirmative action in that direction, the universe will reward your involvement, it will provide feedback. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that you are going to get what you were hoping for.
Sometimes, feedback shows up to let you know you are off course. Is that negative feedback? Well, yes, in a way. However, it could be the kind of negative feedback that tells you the bridge is out and you need to take an alternative route. Sometimes, negative feedback has a really positive impact.
Ok found one, and it is an epic quote credit to Ralph Waldo Emerson for that
As per usual I don't care who reads, this is for me because writing things down makes it all make sense. I do find it strange, recently my self belief, confidence, happiness and love for who I am has increased. At the same time stress at work, lack of control of the future, and confusion and nerves about it have increased. It doesn't make sense,essentially how happy am I, is it all a cover up? I don't think so, but I do feel that the picture in my head of where I want to be is starting to be more then a drunken pencil outline sketch.
You see the thing is I want to live in America. I guess to some thats obvious, I have awesome friends there, I fell in love there, I felt loved by so many people there, and I had the time of my life there. At the same time before I went I wanted to live there. Sure my experiences have increased my desire to get there.It is my future, I know that much. The ability to jump on a $40 return plane flight from SF to LA or Vegas with pretty much no notice to go and see friends is astonishing. It is crazy to think, I live in England and the rest of Europe is so close but we never take random weekend trips there. I guess the main reason is they speak a different language and it costs more, whereas in America they all speak close to the same..... just with different twangs and continual disregard towards the science and creation of English, but that is why I love them.
There is a lot going on in my personal/ love life too, stuff for me, however what I will say is how proud I am of her, this girl is a genius, kind, caring, and honest (add to that beautiful). This year hasen't been the easiest for her but she has graduated! Soon after graduating her dream internship is a reality... working with dolphins, in Israel centred around psychology. I am so happy for her as this is her dream and it needs to be seized. Of course it has an impact on her visit and travelling in Europe and that is up in the air at the moment, but so what! Damn a dream internship does not come along everyday, your lucky if it ever can happen in your life and if it comes along you have to be focused on you, especially for her, she aims to make everyone happy, well now its time for her to be happy and live that mother flipping dream, and its because she is so clever and good at juggling commitments that she has had this opportunity for her dream. If anything this proves that you HAVE to work for your dreams, they won't just drop in your lap you have to earn the right to have the opportunity. Its like the universe rewards you, it knows what you want, and acknowledges what you have done so it gives you the opportunity, its up to you to seize the day.
SO yes, I am going to move to America, next year ideally, 2013 at the latest, and I will miss soooo many people here, but I know they all know it is my dream,and whilst they will be disappointed (hey its natural) they will understand I have to do this. I don;t quite know exactly how I'm going to get there, but things are taking shape and its so exciting. I guess going back to the start of the post it does make sense now. I do kind of know the future, and I can control it to some extent, and I'm bloody working hard to let the universe acknowledge it, and Im happy because of all of that. Sure I have been extra emotional, who wouldn't be, it is almost exactly one year since I left America, and that hurts... I left. Would life have been different if I stayed somehow? Who knows, who cares, forget about the past, the past wont get me anywhere now, its the present that defines my future, so I guess I really need to keep focused, work hard, make sure I relax more so im not as tense and emotional, and be the best I can.
Sugar Im at the end now and none of what I wrote makes too much sense or has provided me with a blog title. I guess what I want to put in here now is a paragraph from Russel Bishop - check him out he rocks!
"
Energy Follows Thought
Have you ever noticed that if you persist in a thought, some kind of energy will begin to show up? In can be as simple as thinking about eating a favorite food and having saliva show up in your mouth. For those who need something even more basic, have you ever gotten yourself excited simply by holding a thought in your head? There are countless examples that could be developed here, but I think the basic idea should be pretty obvious: hold a thought in your head long enough and you will begin to experience some kind of energy related to the thought.
However, day dreaming about food or sex or a new job or becoming the next zillionaire will probably not be sufficient to create any change in your circumstance. Sooner or later, you are going to have to act on your thoughts, and you will probably need some kind of energy to get you going.
Thought, in this case, a form of thought I am calling a positive focus, is a necessary but not sufficient precursor to creating something in life. That's because, the universe rewards action, not thought.
The Universe Rewards Action, Not Thought
If all it took were a few well imagined circumstances and persistent positive thought, there would be all manner of zillionaires out there. However, it is probably evident to most that you are unlikely to produce much of substance simply by thinking about something.
Sooner or later, you are going to have get up off your duff, get yourself actively engaged in the area of your focus, and start to do the work necessary. Surely it is obvious that results typically come after some kind of effort or energy is expended in a particular direction.
Notice that I did not say that just because you hold a positive thought, something positive will occur. Neither did I say that just because you got all energized about it, something positive would occur. In fact, you can hold a real nice, positive thought about a great outcome, get yourself revved up about it, do a whole bunch of things that you think should work and still come up short.
That's because the universe rewards action, not thought. And, sometimes the "rewards" may take the form of "negative" results or "negative" feedback.
The tricky part here is that when you hold a thought about a positive outcome and take affirmative action in that direction, the universe will reward your involvement, it will provide feedback. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that you are going to get what you were hoping for.
Sometimes, feedback shows up to let you know you are off course. Is that negative feedback? Well, yes, in a way. However, it could be the kind of negative feedback that tells you the bridge is out and you need to take an alternative route. Sometimes, negative feedback has a really positive impact.
Monday 28 November 2011
No need to take LSD just read my mind
It feels like everything is almost normal, but at the same time it isn't, it's so far from it. It's like it is there, but it's not. I guess I am just confused, one minute I am so so happy, the next.... empty I guess. I don't even have a clue what is going on with my emotions, it's like I have been possessed by all the Mr Men charaters at once and they are fighting over who can control me at any given moment.
The thing is, I'm happy, I am.... and I guess things work in strange ways. Just yesterday the legend that is Gary Speed, Wales most capped outfield footballer, and current manager of the National squad, died, in what is suspected as suicide from depression. It's scary, a guy who to everyone on the outside seemed so happy, apparently wasn't.... that is fucked up. Not just, a little fucked, massively. To him, his goals were play for his country, and than manage them, have a wife he loves, and children. Be financially secure, and be happy. It seemed like he did have it all, but clearly something wasn't quite right, and that is scary.
Why do we opearte we do? Why can some people deal with things others cant? How can some people be scared of something others love? I guess we are all unique, we all operate differently at every moment. We all can react to certain things better. Is it experience? Is it in our own predetermined natures? I don't know but it is what makes us who we are. This is a pretty frigging deep post, and that's odd. Inside I am happy, outside I am happy, but deep deep down, I am scared. Scared of a lot, the thing is I'm the kind of guy that likes to know what is going to happen. I look at certain things, alcohol could cause liver failure, smoking could cause cancer, speeding could cause a crash. These things can, to some extent, be predicted. Unfortunately scary stuff like natural disasters, electrocution from your own house, random heart attachs, cannot!! These just happen and that is scary. At the same time you also can't control other people's thoughts and feelings, or even ever truly know and understand them. That is because we are unique, and at the end of the day if you, in your life time, are lucky enough to find someone that gets you, that cares for you, that sees the real you, than damn those are some uncotrolable odds you just overcame.
DOes any of what I have written make sense? Is there a purpose or hidden meaning to it? No I've been up front about it all, I just needed to type down what is going on for me. You see here is the thing, I am fucking awesome. I have people that care for me, look out for me, and what to see me achieve my potential.
I am frigging lucky, for the reasons above, and soo many more. I am blessed, damn in 2011 how many people's parents are still together, would support them no matter what?
I am me, and fuck any of you who ever say that's not enough, it is, simply because I am happy and I'm not screwing anyone over to make sure of that, in fact, quite often I don't give a shit about my immediate feelings if they will make someone else happy in the meantime, because if I am making that sacrifice to make them happy, than their happiness matters a hell of a lot to me, and that means, in the long run I will be happy because I made the right decision.
See there's those frigging Mr men characters coming out again, but hey, it shows Im human, I am normal. I feel emotions. If you cut me I frigging bleed, if you hurt me, sure Im gonna cry. If you tell me you love me and you mean it, I'm gonna be on cloud 9. In fact higher, I don't know where cloud 9 is but screw it, I'm on a higher cloud because whilst self love is important, nothing can compete with the love from someone else. To some extent you have to love yourself otherwise who would love you?
This post has been like a psychodelic trip through my thoughts. As you will see they aren't structured, I like going off on tangents, taking detours. It makes my life interesting and it makes me happy. Make others happy, and you will be happy, if we don't have happiness, what do we have?
"Some things are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."
The thing is, I'm happy, I am.... and I guess things work in strange ways. Just yesterday the legend that is Gary Speed, Wales most capped outfield footballer, and current manager of the National squad, died, in what is suspected as suicide from depression. It's scary, a guy who to everyone on the outside seemed so happy, apparently wasn't.... that is fucked up. Not just, a little fucked, massively. To him, his goals were play for his country, and than manage them, have a wife he loves, and children. Be financially secure, and be happy. It seemed like he did have it all, but clearly something wasn't quite right, and that is scary.
Why do we opearte we do? Why can some people deal with things others cant? How can some people be scared of something others love? I guess we are all unique, we all operate differently at every moment. We all can react to certain things better. Is it experience? Is it in our own predetermined natures? I don't know but it is what makes us who we are. This is a pretty frigging deep post, and that's odd. Inside I am happy, outside I am happy, but deep deep down, I am scared. Scared of a lot, the thing is I'm the kind of guy that likes to know what is going to happen. I look at certain things, alcohol could cause liver failure, smoking could cause cancer, speeding could cause a crash. These things can, to some extent, be predicted. Unfortunately scary stuff like natural disasters, electrocution from your own house, random heart attachs, cannot!! These just happen and that is scary. At the same time you also can't control other people's thoughts and feelings, or even ever truly know and understand them. That is because we are unique, and at the end of the day if you, in your life time, are lucky enough to find someone that gets you, that cares for you, that sees the real you, than damn those are some uncotrolable odds you just overcame.
DOes any of what I have written make sense? Is there a purpose or hidden meaning to it? No I've been up front about it all, I just needed to type down what is going on for me. You see here is the thing, I am fucking awesome. I have people that care for me, look out for me, and what to see me achieve my potential.
I am frigging lucky, for the reasons above, and soo many more. I am blessed, damn in 2011 how many people's parents are still together, would support them no matter what?
I am me, and fuck any of you who ever say that's not enough, it is, simply because I am happy and I'm not screwing anyone over to make sure of that, in fact, quite often I don't give a shit about my immediate feelings if they will make someone else happy in the meantime, because if I am making that sacrifice to make them happy, than their happiness matters a hell of a lot to me, and that means, in the long run I will be happy because I made the right decision.
See there's those frigging Mr men characters coming out again, but hey, it shows Im human, I am normal. I feel emotions. If you cut me I frigging bleed, if you hurt me, sure Im gonna cry. If you tell me you love me and you mean it, I'm gonna be on cloud 9. In fact higher, I don't know where cloud 9 is but screw it, I'm on a higher cloud because whilst self love is important, nothing can compete with the love from someone else. To some extent you have to love yourself otherwise who would love you?
This post has been like a psychodelic trip through my thoughts. As you will see they aren't structured, I like going off on tangents, taking detours. It makes my life interesting and it makes me happy. Make others happy, and you will be happy, if we don't have happiness, what do we have?
"Some things are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."
Sunday 27 November 2011
Nosocomephobia
So it turns out I suck at remembering password and email addresses for accounts, I failed again so its taken me a few days to work it out again.
Anyway this has been a week full of emotions. There was a lot going on, both on a personal level, a health level, and a social level.
I know I have spent ages talking about my girl in San Francisco and how much I love her, the biggest issue is, of course, being so far away, and this week has been very tough. It isn't something I want to go in to here or anywhere, it's something I've worked through and I can't wait for her to be in Europe. With any relationship there's going to be misunderstandings, arguments and the like, but as long as throughout it all there is love that is all that matters. It's strange, I never really know if I believed in love, destiny, one person etc. I know for a fact I am in love now. It's truly impossible to explain it, to put it one way, I don't have desires for anyone else, I don't want anyone else. Her being happy makes me over the moon, imagining that smile that lights up the room, its just magical. In a really lame way whenever I look through photos of her, or the one I have in my room of us it puts a huge smile on my face and tears of joy in my eyes. Of course when you love someone, those tears can be tears of sadness, namely the ones that flooded my face whenever I have to say bye to fly away, other ones are when I've said something wrong, or I know she isn't happy and I'm to an extent responsible. I realise I'm kind of talking in code here, and to be frank that's how I want it to be. At the end of the day I realise that since being with her my love for myself has grown and my need for people to like me isn't as important, it's all about me making sure I love me and am proud of how I behave. I'm not 100% there yet but I am getting there and I can honestly say I love myself more now than I have in a long long time. I don't really care if people read what I write, I write it for me, to release what is on my mind rather than bottle it up, and now I have saved my log in details I will be writing more.
Ok so that section is dealt with, now health.
Recently it's been strange, I don;t do being ill, I am terrified of hospitals ever since a child. It's really weird because my fear actually stemmed from visiting a close relative when I was very young, and I was running/ dancing around the hospital singing "you're nearly dead, you're nearly dead". Turns out the relative did die and I guess subconsciously it scares me. People go to hospitals to be made healthy but there is so much pain and sadness in the hospital that I try to stay away. I guess to explain it more lets go through my experiences.
Aged 5 I was picking up some books off the classroom time at tidy up time when the smallest girl ever in her plimsoles stepped trod on my little finger and snapped it. I had to go unconscious and have metal put in there. Now my finger bends like mad and it's going to be ruined for life.
About 9 years ago I was riding my bike back from tennis practice when I turned and got thrown off my bike. I didn't have my helmet on, purely because I am an moron. Luckily the helmet followed me off the handlebars and landed perfectly under my head. My arm took an almighty crack and the lovely bus driver that also collided with me made a point of telling me to get out the fucking road. My mate ran to a door and got them to call my mum to come and get me. My bike was fucked, I was in pain but the hospital was not an option. I refused to go to the hospital insisting I was fine and it was a bruise. 6 weeks later, still in pain, i caved in. We went to the hospital and it turned out, as expected, my arm had broken and had regrown the wrong way. That meant them snapping my arm back into place, broken twice in 2 months.
About 2 years ago I was playing football at uni, running up the wing when i went over on my ankle. I immediately felt pain and hobbled off. It was my clutch foot but being a moron, as always, I jumped in the car and drove home. 10 hours later, with my foot now a distinct black I called my mate and got him to go to the hospital with me. Whilst sitting in the waiting room I walked out to get a cab, dragged back in by reception I sat back down, she took my shoe and sock off to look at it, and whilst engaged in conversation I walked out of the hospital and got in to a cab, dragged back in I was finally seen, and shocker, my ankle was broken.
You see, the thing is, I am stupid when it comes to hospitals. On the bike my helmet had flown off to stop my head, as if someone was protecting me. Well on thursday this week I turned the bathroom light off, positive my hands were dry. All of a sudden I felt this pain like never before, shoot across my right arm, through my chest and threw my left arm unto the air. I let out a very loud but masculine (I know I thought it would be like a girl) scream. Well the electrician has been around this weekend and it turns out I had 230volts of electricity run across my heart. An amount that would stop 90% of people hearts and kill them, but here I was, surviving it without a scratch. Hmm what the hell does that have to do with hospitals, I dunno haha but hey whatever Im just the typer,my brain doesnt function logical so shh just read and try and enjoy learning about my crazy life.
Ok so on Friday I decided to go to the fox poker club to play. I sat down at 1/1 because Im not thrilled with my live poker, within 2 hours I was close to 4 buyins in (£400) and genuinely hadn;t played badly. Normal Kieran would of just thrown away the rest of the money and got home early. Instead I put my headphones in and focused. Good old deadmau5 calming me down with his sexualy penetrating beats. Feeling focused I looked down in the Big Blind at 3-3. It got raised to £12 (standard with these players) and 6 people called, meaning I had to. THe flop came down 10-3-4 with 2 spades, I didn't have a spade. I had about £80 and miscalculated the pot, only betting £25. Instantly it was raised to £75, everybody folded and I put in the rest. Turn 6 spades, river q spades. FUCK damn flush damn damn damn damn damn...... K-10 he said, turing over no spade!!!! Wow back in the game. THey announced a poker tournament was starting and I almost went to it, avoiding it I carried on playing and went on a rush, walking out eventually quite a bit up. I was just really happy that I focused and didn't get emotionally effected by the cards. I think it stems all the way back to the earlier point in this post, because I am happier with who I am, and it keeps me grounded, at the same time I am appreciating somehow still being alive.
I guess it has been a week of realisation, it's time to be appreciating every moment in every day, being thankful for being in love, and having someone who loves me, not counting down the days till she comes. It is something to look forward to but life is short, we can go at any minute from something as random as an electric shock in your own house, so why wish any time away, just appreciate the time you have with people you know, make sure when you are with someone somewhere you are listening to them and showing you are glad your with them. It doesn;t need to be said, but it needs to be felt, so put your frigging mobile away, text people your not with, but not the whole time, nobody likes sitting talking about something important while the person your talking to is on their phone, it's not nice, so yeah just be respectful and love yourself.
Anyway this has been a week full of emotions. There was a lot going on, both on a personal level, a health level, and a social level.
I know I have spent ages talking about my girl in San Francisco and how much I love her, the biggest issue is, of course, being so far away, and this week has been very tough. It isn't something I want to go in to here or anywhere, it's something I've worked through and I can't wait for her to be in Europe. With any relationship there's going to be misunderstandings, arguments and the like, but as long as throughout it all there is love that is all that matters. It's strange, I never really know if I believed in love, destiny, one person etc. I know for a fact I am in love now. It's truly impossible to explain it, to put it one way, I don't have desires for anyone else, I don't want anyone else. Her being happy makes me over the moon, imagining that smile that lights up the room, its just magical. In a really lame way whenever I look through photos of her, or the one I have in my room of us it puts a huge smile on my face and tears of joy in my eyes. Of course when you love someone, those tears can be tears of sadness, namely the ones that flooded my face whenever I have to say bye to fly away, other ones are when I've said something wrong, or I know she isn't happy and I'm to an extent responsible. I realise I'm kind of talking in code here, and to be frank that's how I want it to be. At the end of the day I realise that since being with her my love for myself has grown and my need for people to like me isn't as important, it's all about me making sure I love me and am proud of how I behave. I'm not 100% there yet but I am getting there and I can honestly say I love myself more now than I have in a long long time. I don't really care if people read what I write, I write it for me, to release what is on my mind rather than bottle it up, and now I have saved my log in details I will be writing more.
Ok so that section is dealt with, now health.
Recently it's been strange, I don;t do being ill, I am terrified of hospitals ever since a child. It's really weird because my fear actually stemmed from visiting a close relative when I was very young, and I was running/ dancing around the hospital singing "you're nearly dead, you're nearly dead". Turns out the relative did die and I guess subconsciously it scares me. People go to hospitals to be made healthy but there is so much pain and sadness in the hospital that I try to stay away. I guess to explain it more lets go through my experiences.
Aged 5 I was picking up some books off the classroom time at tidy up time when the smallest girl ever in her plimsoles stepped trod on my little finger and snapped it. I had to go unconscious and have metal put in there. Now my finger bends like mad and it's going to be ruined for life.
About 9 years ago I was riding my bike back from tennis practice when I turned and got thrown off my bike. I didn't have my helmet on, purely because I am an moron. Luckily the helmet followed me off the handlebars and landed perfectly under my head. My arm took an almighty crack and the lovely bus driver that also collided with me made a point of telling me to get out the fucking road. My mate ran to a door and got them to call my mum to come and get me. My bike was fucked, I was in pain but the hospital was not an option. I refused to go to the hospital insisting I was fine and it was a bruise. 6 weeks later, still in pain, i caved in. We went to the hospital and it turned out, as expected, my arm had broken and had regrown the wrong way. That meant them snapping my arm back into place, broken twice in 2 months.
About 2 years ago I was playing football at uni, running up the wing when i went over on my ankle. I immediately felt pain and hobbled off. It was my clutch foot but being a moron, as always, I jumped in the car and drove home. 10 hours later, with my foot now a distinct black I called my mate and got him to go to the hospital with me. Whilst sitting in the waiting room I walked out to get a cab, dragged back in by reception I sat back down, she took my shoe and sock off to look at it, and whilst engaged in conversation I walked out of the hospital and got in to a cab, dragged back in I was finally seen, and shocker, my ankle was broken.
You see, the thing is, I am stupid when it comes to hospitals. On the bike my helmet had flown off to stop my head, as if someone was protecting me. Well on thursday this week I turned the bathroom light off, positive my hands were dry. All of a sudden I felt this pain like never before, shoot across my right arm, through my chest and threw my left arm unto the air. I let out a very loud but masculine (I know I thought it would be like a girl) scream. Well the electrician has been around this weekend and it turns out I had 230volts of electricity run across my heart. An amount that would stop 90% of people hearts and kill them, but here I was, surviving it without a scratch. Hmm what the hell does that have to do with hospitals, I dunno haha but hey whatever Im just the typer,my brain doesnt function logical so shh just read and try and enjoy learning about my crazy life.
Ok so on Friday I decided to go to the fox poker club to play. I sat down at 1/1 because Im not thrilled with my live poker, within 2 hours I was close to 4 buyins in (£400) and genuinely hadn;t played badly. Normal Kieran would of just thrown away the rest of the money and got home early. Instead I put my headphones in and focused. Good old deadmau5 calming me down with his sexualy penetrating beats. Feeling focused I looked down in the Big Blind at 3-3. It got raised to £12 (standard with these players) and 6 people called, meaning I had to. THe flop came down 10-3-4 with 2 spades, I didn't have a spade. I had about £80 and miscalculated the pot, only betting £25. Instantly it was raised to £75, everybody folded and I put in the rest. Turn 6 spades, river q spades. FUCK damn flush damn damn damn damn damn...... K-10 he said, turing over no spade!!!! Wow back in the game. THey announced a poker tournament was starting and I almost went to it, avoiding it I carried on playing and went on a rush, walking out eventually quite a bit up. I was just really happy that I focused and didn't get emotionally effected by the cards. I think it stems all the way back to the earlier point in this post, because I am happier with who I am, and it keeps me grounded, at the same time I am appreciating somehow still being alive.
I guess it has been a week of realisation, it's time to be appreciating every moment in every day, being thankful for being in love, and having someone who loves me, not counting down the days till she comes. It is something to look forward to but life is short, we can go at any minute from something as random as an electric shock in your own house, so why wish any time away, just appreciate the time you have with people you know, make sure when you are with someone somewhere you are listening to them and showing you are glad your with them. It doesn;t need to be said, but it needs to be felt, so put your frigging mobile away, text people your not with, but not the whole time, nobody likes sitting talking about something important while the person your talking to is on their phone, it's not nice, so yeah just be respectful and love yourself.
Tuesday 8 November 2011
Passwords, Dilemmas, Health, Poker, Love
I really do feel disappointed in myself that everytime I come round to doing this I have to start with an apology for taking so long. I probably looked at my blog 30 or 40 time recently thinking how amazing it is to write and how I miss it, how I should blog as so much is going on and has happened but I never get round to it.
So I went to log on, turns out now due to work and other commitments I have set up numerous blogs under different accounts. The smart me would have just created several blogs in the same account, but he left long ago. So after what must have been 3 hours trying different passwords and different accounts I finally unlocked it and I am back.
Well that isn't exactly the exciting start to the blog I wanted to have but it's a start. Thanks for reading...... ok ok I'll go on to give a real catchup now.
So where did I leave it? Well last time I wrote was back in January and I had an amazing time in America. Thank God I made a list of things to talk about in my next blog, and thank you for commenting random follower :)
1) My trip to SF
2) My poker playing
3) Her
4) Decisions to make about my future
5) Crazy stuff thats on my mind!
Ok so let's start with 1.
Well what do I say, my work trip to SF for an initial 3 months that turned into 6 was incredible, life changing.
It was really strange initially. I landed in America, never having been there before and no idea what to expect. I landed and went straight to the work office where they took me to my appartment, a very nice 1 bed open plan room at one of the highest points in the centre of SF. Great view but a nightmare to walk to after a long day at work.
Initial thoughts, wow this place is amazing, frigging hell I am tired. You see call it whatever you want, nerves, excitement, stupidity it makes no odds. I thought that as someone who doesn't sleep well on a plane and with my flight at stupid o clock that I should stay up the whole night so that I could sleep on the plane. Well I achieved the first part and once at the airport I realised I wasn't tired. Hmmm what helps me sleep, how about a beer they make me tired. So there I found myself at 6am in a bar alone drinking a refreshing pint of carlsberg.
As the flight begun to board the realisation hit. I was going to America, oh my word I have dreamed of this for years. Ever since a teen, and even before, I use to watch those crappy America films that made life seem so amazing as a student - American Pie, Loser, Scary Movie, add to that One Tree Hill, Friends and the OC and my view on America was painted and that is what I wanted, minus the murdering (of humor in Friends - controversial I know).
Well as we all know being excited stops you from sleeping, we all do it, we get excited and every time we close our eyes all we think about is that exciting event and forget to sleep. So 10 hours later and 3 movies that I have no recollection of I landed.
Well that takes me to arriving and being jetlagged. Americans are truly friendly and helpful and they provided me with a map of the area incase I got lost. Well being me I said thanks, made a note of my flat address on my phone, left the map in the room and decided screw it I want to get lost. I can't even explain how magical it all was, just walking the streets no idea where to go or what to do but just wanted to walk around and take it all in, no screw that I wanted to run around screaming at the top of my voice AMMERRICAAA (we will come on to that later :p). So in the end I thought, hmm I am tired but it's too early for bed... to the pub. About 30 minutes later there I was in the pub watching this crazy sport I couldn't understand called baseball. After sitting staring blankly at the screen drinking Budweiser (which I later found out is a no no in America) a couple asked me where I was from. After a good conversation I admitted I had no idea what was going on in front of me and they kindly explained baseball to me. I'm sure it made sense but with 60 hours without sleep and the beer going to my head I just smiled and nodded.
So that is the overview of the first day, next up is one I know a few people have asked several times and I might as well put it down here, afterall it is the greatest part of my experience in SF.
How I Met Her
I was at work, talking to Steve (English fella who got me the job out there) about how to meet people in the area. You see it's tough, I didn't feel comfortable enough to just go out and sit in a pub hoping to make friends, that is just weird. So he told me about this thing called craigslist. One of my goals in America was to attend a football (American) and Baseball game. Steve recommended that I make a post on Craigslist saying I am an English guy new to town looking to go to baseball games.
So I did, and the responses came. Even though I had no friends and all I had to go on was the paragraph or two that people responded with I was extremely picky labelling most of them psychopaths or geeks immediately. Than there was one... THere was something different about this one that got my attention, it claimed they were a girl, has never responded to a craigslist ad, and has a spare ticket for the game. Sure like that would happen, leave me alone paedo I don't want a frigging sweety..... Actually if it's sherbet lemons than I may be.... NO NO NO. Well than I thought, what's the worst that can happen, how about I talk a bit more and see. So I did and after a while we begun texting. You see I was still apprehensive and wasn't sure so we agreed to meet up a few days before the game. We swapped pictures (of course I spent a good 2 hours looking for one that said suave, mr cool, I'm awesome) and I looked at hers and thought, sheesh if she looks like this I will be unable to talk, come over all nervous, sweaty palms, stumbling words, making stupid comments, the lot.
So I was sitting waiting when I saw her, walking towards me, was this real, was this a prank, she looked just like her picture. There was this auroa around her though, a smile on her face, she just seemed so welcoming, so warm and friendly that I didn't have time to panic. We got talking and she asked where I wanted to go, so we settled on going to the beach. I had a backup plan to meet one of my sisters mates who lived near the beach so I could make my excuses if needs be and to be honest I didnt know how to get there. So we were at the beach and al was going well, I needed to speak to her, in some non weird psycho way I wanted a reason to hug her, get closer, she was amazing, so full of life. So after a genius plan of teaching her chinese boxing I had my excuse. It was going well but I didn't want her to be bored of me so we went our seperate ways, at least I knew I'd see her for the game :) ---- and that is all she wrote, the rest just happened and I am so so so happy and in love.
LA Homies
My great friend Hana had a penpal that she wrote to for years and years. After a while Hana decided to go and meet this penpal who lived in LA, and they became inseperable, just like sisters. Well whilst I was in SF Hana was in LA and convinced her "sister" and her mate to do a roadtrip to see me. After making an idiot of myself and proposing to her "sister" with a paper clip wrapped in a $1 note, I really enjoyed seeing them and they invited me to visit them in LA. After discussing dates we went with Halloween... apparently this was big in America and they wanted me to come to a rave. So I jumped on my $20 1 hour flight with live sky tv on the plane and landed.
Hana's "sister" (Who from now on will be called by her real name Ariele) and her friend (Paul) had already displayed in SF that they were amazing, unique, kind hearted people (see post The Best Time to Make Friends Is Before You Need them for more details). So there I was in LA getting ready for Halloween. It turned out we were going to the LA Sports Arena for an all night rave with their friends Nate, Nicole and Allan and that we had all you can drink passes for the rave. Paul and I spent a good 2 hours picking outfits, Paul finally settling on the same outfit he always wears and me deciding to go for Kick Ass.
All you can drink is deadly, very very deadly. You see I turned to the gang later on in the night and said I'm not even drunk yet, to which they laughed. It turned out I had spent the night running around shouting AMERICA AMERRICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA at the top of my voice and demanding that everyone gave me a high five. When a group clearly from the ghetto looked at me and refused to do so, I decided to say "High five me now bitch or I'll kick your ass" to which thankfully they saw the humor in and complied.
There is so much more to say about that night but this blog is frigging long. So I'll leave you with a picture....
Well I went back to Pauls for Thanksgiving too and that was amazing. I am so sorry for this being so long and boring...
I'm going to leave it there for now, but will be back SOOOOON:
2) My poker playing (need an update on)
3) Her (Check)
4) Decisions to make about my future (Screw that, no longer relevant but I'll update you on it)
5) Crazy stuff thats on my mind! (Well I'm crazy, I have a mind, so that will always need to be updated.)
If you made it to the end in one sitting please see a psychiatrist, you are not normal, but thanks :)
So I went to log on, turns out now due to work and other commitments I have set up numerous blogs under different accounts. The smart me would have just created several blogs in the same account, but he left long ago. So after what must have been 3 hours trying different passwords and different accounts I finally unlocked it and I am back.
Well that isn't exactly the exciting start to the blog I wanted to have but it's a start. Thanks for reading...... ok ok I'll go on to give a real catchup now.
So where did I leave it? Well last time I wrote was back in January and I had an amazing time in America. Thank God I made a list of things to talk about in my next blog, and thank you for commenting random follower :)
1) My trip to SF
2) My poker playing
3) Her
4) Decisions to make about my future
5) Crazy stuff thats on my mind!
Ok so let's start with 1.
Well what do I say, my work trip to SF for an initial 3 months that turned into 6 was incredible, life changing.
It was really strange initially. I landed in America, never having been there before and no idea what to expect. I landed and went straight to the work office where they took me to my appartment, a very nice 1 bed open plan room at one of the highest points in the centre of SF. Great view but a nightmare to walk to after a long day at work.
Initial thoughts, wow this place is amazing, frigging hell I am tired. You see call it whatever you want, nerves, excitement, stupidity it makes no odds. I thought that as someone who doesn't sleep well on a plane and with my flight at stupid o clock that I should stay up the whole night so that I could sleep on the plane. Well I achieved the first part and once at the airport I realised I wasn't tired. Hmmm what helps me sleep, how about a beer they make me tired. So there I found myself at 6am in a bar alone drinking a refreshing pint of carlsberg.
As the flight begun to board the realisation hit. I was going to America, oh my word I have dreamed of this for years. Ever since a teen, and even before, I use to watch those crappy America films that made life seem so amazing as a student - American Pie, Loser, Scary Movie, add to that One Tree Hill, Friends and the OC and my view on America was painted and that is what I wanted, minus the murdering (of humor in Friends - controversial I know).
Well as we all know being excited stops you from sleeping, we all do it, we get excited and every time we close our eyes all we think about is that exciting event and forget to sleep. So 10 hours later and 3 movies that I have no recollection of I landed.
Well that takes me to arriving and being jetlagged. Americans are truly friendly and helpful and they provided me with a map of the area incase I got lost. Well being me I said thanks, made a note of my flat address on my phone, left the map in the room and decided screw it I want to get lost. I can't even explain how magical it all was, just walking the streets no idea where to go or what to do but just wanted to walk around and take it all in, no screw that I wanted to run around screaming at the top of my voice AMMERRICAAA (we will come on to that later :p). So in the end I thought, hmm I am tired but it's too early for bed... to the pub. About 30 minutes later there I was in the pub watching this crazy sport I couldn't understand called baseball. After sitting staring blankly at the screen drinking Budweiser (which I later found out is a no no in America) a couple asked me where I was from. After a good conversation I admitted I had no idea what was going on in front of me and they kindly explained baseball to me. I'm sure it made sense but with 60 hours without sleep and the beer going to my head I just smiled and nodded.
So that is the overview of the first day, next up is one I know a few people have asked several times and I might as well put it down here, afterall it is the greatest part of my experience in SF.
How I Met Her
I was at work, talking to Steve (English fella who got me the job out there) about how to meet people in the area. You see it's tough, I didn't feel comfortable enough to just go out and sit in a pub hoping to make friends, that is just weird. So he told me about this thing called craigslist. One of my goals in America was to attend a football (American) and Baseball game. Steve recommended that I make a post on Craigslist saying I am an English guy new to town looking to go to baseball games.
So I did, and the responses came. Even though I had no friends and all I had to go on was the paragraph or two that people responded with I was extremely picky labelling most of them psychopaths or geeks immediately. Than there was one... THere was something different about this one that got my attention, it claimed they were a girl, has never responded to a craigslist ad, and has a spare ticket for the game. Sure like that would happen, leave me alone paedo I don't want a frigging sweety..... Actually if it's sherbet lemons than I may be.... NO NO NO. Well than I thought, what's the worst that can happen, how about I talk a bit more and see. So I did and after a while we begun texting. You see I was still apprehensive and wasn't sure so we agreed to meet up a few days before the game. We swapped pictures (of course I spent a good 2 hours looking for one that said suave, mr cool, I'm awesome) and I looked at hers and thought, sheesh if she looks like this I will be unable to talk, come over all nervous, sweaty palms, stumbling words, making stupid comments, the lot.
So I was sitting waiting when I saw her, walking towards me, was this real, was this a prank, she looked just like her picture. There was this auroa around her though, a smile on her face, she just seemed so welcoming, so warm and friendly that I didn't have time to panic. We got talking and she asked where I wanted to go, so we settled on going to the beach. I had a backup plan to meet one of my sisters mates who lived near the beach so I could make my excuses if needs be and to be honest I didnt know how to get there. So we were at the beach and al was going well, I needed to speak to her, in some non weird psycho way I wanted a reason to hug her, get closer, she was amazing, so full of life. So after a genius plan of teaching her chinese boxing I had my excuse. It was going well but I didn't want her to be bored of me so we went our seperate ways, at least I knew I'd see her for the game :) ---- and that is all she wrote, the rest just happened and I am so so so happy and in love.
LA Homies
My great friend Hana had a penpal that she wrote to for years and years. After a while Hana decided to go and meet this penpal who lived in LA, and they became inseperable, just like sisters. Well whilst I was in SF Hana was in LA and convinced her "sister" and her mate to do a roadtrip to see me. After making an idiot of myself and proposing to her "sister" with a paper clip wrapped in a $1 note, I really enjoyed seeing them and they invited me to visit them in LA. After discussing dates we went with Halloween... apparently this was big in America and they wanted me to come to a rave. So I jumped on my $20 1 hour flight with live sky tv on the plane and landed.
Hana's "sister" (Who from now on will be called by her real name Ariele) and her friend (Paul) had already displayed in SF that they were amazing, unique, kind hearted people (see post The Best Time to Make Friends Is Before You Need them for more details). So there I was in LA getting ready for Halloween. It turned out we were going to the LA Sports Arena for an all night rave with their friends Nate, Nicole and Allan and that we had all you can drink passes for the rave. Paul and I spent a good 2 hours picking outfits, Paul finally settling on the same outfit he always wears and me deciding to go for Kick Ass.
All you can drink is deadly, very very deadly. You see I turned to the gang later on in the night and said I'm not even drunk yet, to which they laughed. It turned out I had spent the night running around shouting AMERICA AMERRICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA at the top of my voice and demanding that everyone gave me a high five. When a group clearly from the ghetto looked at me and refused to do so, I decided to say "High five me now bitch or I'll kick your ass" to which thankfully they saw the humor in and complied.
There is so much more to say about that night but this blog is frigging long. So I'll leave you with a picture....
Well I went back to Pauls for Thanksgiving too and that was amazing. I am so sorry for this being so long and boring...
I'm going to leave it there for now, but will be back SOOOOON:
2) My poker playing (need an update on)
3) Her (Check)
4) Decisions to make about my future (Screw that, no longer relevant but I'll update you on it)
5) Crazy stuff thats on my mind! (Well I'm crazy, I have a mind, so that will always need to be updated.)
If you made it to the end in one sitting please see a psychiatrist, you are not normal, but thanks :)
Monday 24 January 2011
In need of a long blog
I need to write down everything thats happened recently:
1) My trip to SF
2) My poker playing
3) Her
4) Decisions to make about my future
5) Crazy stuff thats on my mind!
Im not going to do it just yet, but im hoping to get a few hours tonight to talk about it.
Im also now very in the know in the poker world, especially USA so I will be providing posts on what is going on, what I think of it and what it could mean. I know to some of you nosey people who like to know about my I live in this isn't ideal but to all poker fans it will serve its purpose and give people an insight into what I think about and how big poker is a part of my life.
So look out for real posts in the next few days, I finally have a little time to write and I love writing, it was hard to do in San Francisco.
Run good and stand better.
1) My trip to SF
2) My poker playing
3) Her
4) Decisions to make about my future
5) Crazy stuff thats on my mind!
Im not going to do it just yet, but im hoping to get a few hours tonight to talk about it.
Im also now very in the know in the poker world, especially USA so I will be providing posts on what is going on, what I think of it and what it could mean. I know to some of you nosey people who like to know about my I live in this isn't ideal but to all poker fans it will serve its purpose and give people an insight into what I think about and how big poker is a part of my life.
So look out for real posts in the next few days, I finally have a little time to write and I love writing, it was hard to do in San Francisco.
Run good and stand better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)