Sort out your head!

Seriously I can't believe I've gone back to this, I've become hot headed again. I guess things aren't going the way I wantand instead of looking at new routes I've allowed myself to start blaming the world, claiming it's unfair. Damn I didn't want to be like this but at least I've realised before it is too late and before I upset someone.

There's a number of things that have happened, or haven't. There is nothing as bad as having someone fall out of love with you, it hurts. Working your arse off and not having it recognised is painful too. I work 11+ hour days most of the time and it means I get home tired, moody, and emotional. This job has such an effect on your emotional state and it's tough, it's good and I love the workplace but it is tough and you need to be thick skinned, something I was good at but recent events have made me more emotional then usual and it sucks big time. I need to get my head back into it all, stop allowing things effect me the way they do, but it is hard.

I allowed it to have an impact on me in a work football game today, I had a bad tackle on me, nothing given, and instead of getting revenge by upping my game it went to my head and I wanted revenge. How does that make sense? Somebody accidentally takes you out so you deliberately try and take them out, they are a mate but all of a sudden it doesn't matter it's like I want to take this situation and turn it around, but I definitely did it in the wrong manner. Luckily no fouls happened from me, but I did receive a push to the head, a thing that the old, lairy, aggresive 15 year old me would of reacted to by throwing a punch, I'm glad that is under control at least.

I really like writing this all down, I like having a way of getting it all out. Most of the time I kind of wish nobody read this, but at the same time I clearly want them too. I want people to be there for me, take me out for a beer... nobody has done that since IT ended and that really sucks. I wish I was the script album lol. Don't get me wrong my friends are there and it is my fault because they ask how I feel about it all and I say, yeah fine, I don't like bringing other people down or putting my issues on to them, that's not my job.

I guess Bill Hicks really summed up this world, and I think the best way to end this post. Hopefully the next one will be positive as per the new year resolutions.

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, "Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, "Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we … kill those people. "Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace."