I'm writing this blog post lying on bed with my left leg elevated by a folded pillow and 2 cushions, mellowed by pain killers yet feeling a constant throb threw the bandage.
Have you ever recalled something, a memory you can see as clear as day, and lived by it to some extent, or in some cases hindered your living by it, only to discover that things aren't quite how you remember?
As mentioned in earlier posts I have a phobia of hospitals - I found out recently that this is completely self inflicted. You see my memory of running around a hospital where my great aunt lay singing your nearly dead didn't quite happen like that. Sure enough I was visiting my Great Aunt, and yes, she was close to ending her journey, but she wasn't in a hospital, in fact she was in the old dears accommodation, a nursing home, a retirement home, the old folks inn. And yes, I did run around screaming your nearly dead, but it wasn't directly to her or the other people who were close to a surcease on their lives, instead it was in a quad outside. Sure their windows were all open and they definitely would have heard the cruelty, of a young child, filled with life, at the start of the journey, whilst they were coming to an end of theirs, a somewhat antagonistic situation for them, but I'd like to think that inside of them, they were smiling. (why is it when people get to a certain age where the pearly gates are in front of them, their face muscles have relaxed to an extent where they could be mistaken as Stalter and Waldorf from the Muppet's, or for the non Muppet fans, Fabio Cappello -that any attempt as an external smile looks more like they are in the process of breaking wind?)
Anyway, what does all that mean? It means I'm scared of hospitals because I created a memory in a parallel dimension, a different place, the fear is self caused and thus very difficult to work out the direct resolution, as surely people get over the fear by putting them in the situation that first caused the fear. In order to combat this fear I need to visit an old peoples home and have an enjoyable experience where I leave happy (please no pervy comments) and then remember it as having taken place in a hospital. You may see my dilemma, first of all, as sure as I am that according to the telly old people love random youngsters (oi I'm 24 that's still young in comparison) paying them a visit, I do live in London. London is a place where if a 24 year old male walks in to an old people's home, eyebrows will be raised and I am sure as hell to fall victim to an interrogation experienced by few. Security will be called by reception, and it's a pretty awkward conversation that would lie ahead, in fact let's play it out.
ME: Hi there,
Receptionists (from now on referred to as R and Security as S to save energy): Hi, who are you hear to see?
ME: Um nobody in particular
R: Sorry? Do you have a relative here?
ME: No, I just wanted to pop in and have a good time.
R: You wanted to have a good time in a old people's home?
ME: Yeah, pretty hard to explain.
R: Hold on one second (Security arrive, to security) This young man has come in but he isn't visiting anyone in particular.
S: Sir why are you here?
ME: Well, I had a bad memory of something happening in a hospital, but it actually happened in an old people's home, and in order to overcome the irrational fear that arrived, I wanted to come along and have a more enjoyable experience.
S: You had a bad memory that you thought happened in a hospital. Sir did somebody touch you and now you want to touch them?
ME: wooooah hold on sheriff not like that you sick perv, last time I was in one of these joints I was singing your nearly dead, and I want to remedy this.
And so on - not a conversation I want to rush.
So how does this all tie in to my current situation? Well playing football today I was using my blistering pace (OK it was a light jog) down the wing, skilled one guy (kicked the ball too far and slid to win it back) before doing a step over with my right leg (that was surprisingly meant) and went to flick it with my left. As i caught the ball with my left and the left leg returned to ground an almighty click/ knock occurred and a pain rocketed through my knee sending me in to a masculine scream. It turns out the click was heard by the person in the goal 30+metres away (although I may exaggerate this to be 100m at a later date, possibly even a mile for effect- he was the furthest away who knows how far it could be heard). I lay on the floor, something that is a regular occurrence in our games, but usually due to a small knock and me seeing it as the optimum time to catch my breath, only this time the pain didn't go, in fact it got worse. I've broken bones before, been electrocuted, twisted ankles, been punched, hit by a car, none of them compare to the pain I am currently feeling.
Here's the issue - I can't go to the hospital because I haven't conquered my fear and I can't now because if I walk in with a walking stick it will look like I am ridiculing the old people, and lead to another bad memory. So instead I lie here in pain, googling the symptoms and can 100% say that this is a life threatening injury and the end of my days..... fine fine, I'm sure it's ligament injury, and judging by the diagram and symptoms available at BUPA online (other medical online places are available but they are ranked number one on google so either they are shit hot or they have a guru at SEO (search engine optimisation - a techy thing), either way they are the ones I'm using) and it appears like it is the lateral collateral ligament. My options are these:
1) As some people have put it - Man the F Up and let it heal itself
2) Man the F Up and go to the hospital (even if I man the f up they aren't going to be able to treat it I'd have to wait for hours to see them to be told that I need an appointment)
3) Go to the Doctors
4) Go to a physio
I like option 4, sure it costs but they are cool. I happen to know an Arsenal Physio and due to the Jack Wilshire situation, I may go in with a torn ligament and eventually it will be claimed to be a burst vein or something 100 times worse that prevents me from ever being fit again, but that's a risk I will take and I am sorry to all my fans of my football but it may mean never being back to play hahaha
Anyway this blog took you on a journey, one of adventure I'd like to think.
A quote from Soren Kierkegaard repeated by Micky Flanagan "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." This quote pretty much means, as Micky put, we are unable to process the experiences we have in the moment, we can never be in the moment, instead it can only be processed in a memory, and my input - make sure the memories are real ones so you don't screw yourself up like I have :)
Monday, 23 April 2012
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Stress? Zen? Candles?
Wow things are kind of manic at the moment, a little prediction for how this blog will pan out is, as per usual, a strange Titile, an interesting attention grabbing start, possibly a plan, and a failure to follow that plan. I guess this will be another journey through my thoughts as I type and at times some of you will get lost and give up, others will perserve, but ultimately all of you will more than likely finish disappointed and unfulfilled.
Ok so it's kind of odd - recenlty health has been a little off and its annoying, issues are that I have had brutal pains in my back recently and that is slowly getting better. Add to that the fact that I woke up on thursday with a pain in my jaw to realise I'd dislocated it from grinding, so I guess from stress. Anyway the plan is to get that all sorted. First off, on Dr's orders Gluten has vanished from my diet. I know this is going to be blooming hard and it will take a lot of will power to say bye to normal bread and pasta, saying bye to kebabs pizzas and chips is fine and I think I'll cope easily there, however saying bye to sausages, noooo :( The thing is in the few days I have been doing it I have felt a difference.I feel a lot more energetic, a lot less bloated and a lot happier. I actually bought a normal sandwich on Tuesday and took one bite and felt bloated so threw it away. Yes I failed quick but I moved on away from it immediately. My Gluten free package has arrived so I am going to be creative in the kitchen this weekend to see what I can do - I am so cool I bet you are all jealous.
Onto the stress. It is weird to have someone tell you that you are stressed and when you go to argue with them you stop and think about it and realise, damn I am stressed haha. I guess it is a whole load of reasons. At work I am the only Permanent Recruitment Consultant which makes things pretty tough as I have to follow up all Business Leads, fill all my roles and manage the processes. I kind of think I have tried so hard to do everything at once that I am spreading myslf too thin and ending up working until 7pm in the office and 10pm at home. Add to that the issue that myself and my colleauge work late once a week to target American companies and all of a sudden I am doing 70 hour weeks.
Other causes of stress are Ex friends, one in particular has been a bit silly for a while and I won't go in to the ins and outs but instead of moving on after something he has acted like a child and apparently made stupid claims which I;ve realised I can no longer be bothered with. It culminanted in me having to not go out with the group of friends for a mates birthday, but instead we went out the next day and it was an amazing night.
I've also decided to incorporate a bit of Zen into my life, just some of the mind relaxation methods and at the same time am thinking of taking it easy this weekend, weather permitted relaxing in the sun or sitting in my room with chilled out music and my eyes close for a while just to relax and take it slow. Like I said I am so cool with my cooking and meditating.
In terms of everything else family are amazing and I went to a beautiful wedding. It's odd because I'd kind of taken a step back thinking that I don't want to get married but being part of two amazing people's special day made me realise that who knows what lies ahead, I'm not adversed to marriage if I meet the right person. They walked down the aisle to "A whole new world" played on a harp which was pretty damn magical. It was good because I spent the weekend with the family before travelling down to watch Arsenal beat Man City.
The other great thing at the moment is I am getting my social life back, I am trying to leave work at a good time and have plans to go and see people in evenings as they let me stop thinking about work and relax. I am so happy to have certain people there for me.
Hm this blog has been odd - No more gluten, no more stress, more zen, more relaxing, more social life should lead to a happier me. Here's hoping!
Ok so it's kind of odd - recenlty health has been a little off and its annoying, issues are that I have had brutal pains in my back recently and that is slowly getting better. Add to that the fact that I woke up on thursday with a pain in my jaw to realise I'd dislocated it from grinding, so I guess from stress. Anyway the plan is to get that all sorted. First off, on Dr's orders Gluten has vanished from my diet. I know this is going to be blooming hard and it will take a lot of will power to say bye to normal bread and pasta, saying bye to kebabs pizzas and chips is fine and I think I'll cope easily there, however saying bye to sausages, noooo :( The thing is in the few days I have been doing it I have felt a difference.I feel a lot more energetic, a lot less bloated and a lot happier. I actually bought a normal sandwich on Tuesday and took one bite and felt bloated so threw it away. Yes I failed quick but I moved on away from it immediately. My Gluten free package has arrived so I am going to be creative in the kitchen this weekend to see what I can do - I am so cool I bet you are all jealous.
Onto the stress. It is weird to have someone tell you that you are stressed and when you go to argue with them you stop and think about it and realise, damn I am stressed haha. I guess it is a whole load of reasons. At work I am the only Permanent Recruitment Consultant which makes things pretty tough as I have to follow up all Business Leads, fill all my roles and manage the processes. I kind of think I have tried so hard to do everything at once that I am spreading myslf too thin and ending up working until 7pm in the office and 10pm at home. Add to that the issue that myself and my colleauge work late once a week to target American companies and all of a sudden I am doing 70 hour weeks.
Other causes of stress are Ex friends, one in particular has been a bit silly for a while and I won't go in to the ins and outs but instead of moving on after something he has acted like a child and apparently made stupid claims which I;ve realised I can no longer be bothered with. It culminanted in me having to not go out with the group of friends for a mates birthday, but instead we went out the next day and it was an amazing night.
I've also decided to incorporate a bit of Zen into my life, just some of the mind relaxation methods and at the same time am thinking of taking it easy this weekend, weather permitted relaxing in the sun or sitting in my room with chilled out music and my eyes close for a while just to relax and take it slow. Like I said I am so cool with my cooking and meditating.
In terms of everything else family are amazing and I went to a beautiful wedding. It's odd because I'd kind of taken a step back thinking that I don't want to get married but being part of two amazing people's special day made me realise that who knows what lies ahead, I'm not adversed to marriage if I meet the right person. They walked down the aisle to "A whole new world" played on a harp which was pretty damn magical. It was good because I spent the weekend with the family before travelling down to watch Arsenal beat Man City.
The other great thing at the moment is I am getting my social life back, I am trying to leave work at a good time and have plans to go and see people in evenings as they let me stop thinking about work and relax. I am so happy to have certain people there for me.
Hm this blog has been odd - No more gluten, no more stress, more zen, more relaxing, more social life should lead to a happier me. Here's hoping!
Sunday, 25 March 2012
Catching Up
So I have gone through the stage of ignoring this again. TO be honest I have wanted to write, I love doing it, just there is never enough time these days. That's a lie I could make time just I wanted to give this the attention it deserves when I write.
Anyway I realised a while back that my goal, dream, aim, whatever you want to call it, is to get to America, to live there and to grow there. People often ask me why, and I kind of can't explain it but I'll give it a try.
Life is complicated, that won't change wherever you live, but there will be different complications. My time in America was magical, the truth is I loved going in to work, I loved being where I was, but most of all I loved the people. In the UK if someone smiles at you or wishes you a good day we think they are a freak. People seem to believe that if people do anything nice they must have an ulterior motive. Since Jan last year, following my time in America, I decided to do one good deed a day, or one thing that puts someone else first. They don't need to know it was me, I don't go around looking for things to do, but there are numerous opportunities we get every day that use to be seen as common curteousy. I'm glad to say that to this day I have achieved it every day. It is awesome, the feeling you get after is such a buzz and at the end of the day as your settling down to sleep you can think back to it with a smile on your face. You see no matter how shit a day you've had, it's one where hopefully you have had a positive effect on somebody else's life... so it can't of been that shit.
This isn't something I can say I learnt in America, but it's something that I realised I needed to change in myself. The weather in Cali was so glorious and I made some of the best friends ever. I love Baseball and American football, I love the process behind it, that people play at school/ college and enter a draft where teams bid for them. It's perfect to allow for the competitive nature in the leagues and the fan support is an experience everyone has to have.
Another reason is my interests, where I see my working career go. I love the online gaming industry and the people in it, particularly poker. I am blessed to have some of the contacts I do, and to have worked in online gaming in 3 different countries at such a young age. My degree in law, whilst a realisation that it wasn't a career I wanted, developed an interest in reading some legislation and trying to see what they writers meant when they wrote it. I enjoy partiuclarly what is going on in America, it is exciting times for people interested in online gaming as it will determine the future, when America is legalized and they make changes most people, as per usual, will follow suit. I want to be a part of that and my working experience puts me in good stead for being able to help people out there. This is something I need to do.
There's not much to update on in my life. Things are going good and I have a great bunch of close friends. I'm working pretty hard putting in 16-18 hour days at least once a week which is a lot on top of 4 11 hour days. There's times I love it, and times I hate it, but it is what it is and I'm pretty happy.
I;ll do another update soon
Anyway I realised a while back that my goal, dream, aim, whatever you want to call it, is to get to America, to live there and to grow there. People often ask me why, and I kind of can't explain it but I'll give it a try.
Life is complicated, that won't change wherever you live, but there will be different complications. My time in America was magical, the truth is I loved going in to work, I loved being where I was, but most of all I loved the people. In the UK if someone smiles at you or wishes you a good day we think they are a freak. People seem to believe that if people do anything nice they must have an ulterior motive. Since Jan last year, following my time in America, I decided to do one good deed a day, or one thing that puts someone else first. They don't need to know it was me, I don't go around looking for things to do, but there are numerous opportunities we get every day that use to be seen as common curteousy. I'm glad to say that to this day I have achieved it every day. It is awesome, the feeling you get after is such a buzz and at the end of the day as your settling down to sleep you can think back to it with a smile on your face. You see no matter how shit a day you've had, it's one where hopefully you have had a positive effect on somebody else's life... so it can't of been that shit.
This isn't something I can say I learnt in America, but it's something that I realised I needed to change in myself. The weather in Cali was so glorious and I made some of the best friends ever. I love Baseball and American football, I love the process behind it, that people play at school/ college and enter a draft where teams bid for them. It's perfect to allow for the competitive nature in the leagues and the fan support is an experience everyone has to have.
Another reason is my interests, where I see my working career go. I love the online gaming industry and the people in it, particularly poker. I am blessed to have some of the contacts I do, and to have worked in online gaming in 3 different countries at such a young age. My degree in law, whilst a realisation that it wasn't a career I wanted, developed an interest in reading some legislation and trying to see what they writers meant when they wrote it. I enjoy partiuclarly what is going on in America, it is exciting times for people interested in online gaming as it will determine the future, when America is legalized and they make changes most people, as per usual, will follow suit. I want to be a part of that and my working experience puts me in good stead for being able to help people out there. This is something I need to do.
There's not much to update on in my life. Things are going good and I have a great bunch of close friends. I'm working pretty hard putting in 16-18 hour days at least once a week which is a lot on top of 4 11 hour days. There's times I love it, and times I hate it, but it is what it is and I'm pretty happy.
I;ll do another update soon
Friday, 17 February 2012
Adventure's open your eyes
Wow, my life is so mental, I have had, what I must admit, is one of the best weeks in a long long time. I guess logically I should be starting from last Friday
To set the scene most of the time I am a hermit on Saurdays until 4pm following a late friday night. On friday my friend Kristy arrived from America with 2 of her friends along for the ride. So I left work and shot down to Aldgate East to meet them - one hell of a mission from Hemel via Edgware. Anyhoo I got there and they were all shattered but were game to find a bar with music.... good luck in London.
THe obvious decision was to venture down Brick Lane - unsurprisingly we were approached by 20 different Indian restaurants trying to coax us in but we escaped un-curryfied. We got to Vibe Bar and decided that 9pm was far too early for Vibe so kept walking. It's super difficult when you have people from America over, you are a Londoner, they expect you know your city, and you realise you know nothing about East London!! Anyway afterwalking the length of brick lane we jumped on an overground train to go back to past Aldgate East station and on to Tower Hill - if in doubt go to the pomellers rest, a hevenly spoons with drinks galore (but no music - and a place that I've found myself being asked to leave for talking too loud far too often).
Before we got to the Pommellers we stopped by and enjoyed the view of the Tower of London, it was whilst looking that we saw the most incredible playground. A slide that doesn't slide wasn;t enough to ruin it, the jump on merry go round, the amazing bouncy thing that I can;t describe, all I know was I was drunk before I'd drunk. Next up was the incredible walk over Tower Bridge. You know sometimes I really take where I live for granted and it's only by being with people that have never seen it before that you truly appreciate it, AMAZING. More of that to come later :)
On to the Pomeller: that's where the night really started, introducing the yanks to Koppabergs joy, the bottle of happiness that wakes you up! After a couple of hours, and far too many Jagerbombs we were on the move - not before Kristy had an interaction with a Cockney Lass. The Cockney Lass was insiting on calling a cab for us, and when we politely said no its fine its quicker if we jump in a black cab she turned on us rapidly! Lovely drunk cockney girls, curteous and classy.
Anyway we hopped in to the cab and I was sitting on the fold down chair facing back. Ali - Kristy's mate who it has to be said is awesome, decided she wanted to sit inmy seat so pulled me out of it and tried to sit down, not realising it was a fold down chair and ending up on the floor of a moving taxi. Hilarious! The cab took us to Vibe bar where it was £5 a head, and by now it was midnight. Thanks to their amazing american charm Kristy, Ali and Rachel got all 4 of us in for £10! Vibe bar has got to be one of the most unique experiences in London. Trance, house, dance, heaven in what seems like a dissused warehouse, worn down building. The music system sucks, the DJ couldn't mix to save his life, but the tunes and atmosphere made it incredible. If only the drinks weren't bank breaking.
Following Vibe Bar we made a trip back to the hotel via the off licence where we haggled our way to cheap booze. After a few hours in their hotel the night was done. Saturday was an early start and meeting up at 1pm at the Pomeller Rest.
After a drink or two in the Pomellers, and meeting up with Rachel's friend (by the way Rachel is so brilliant and amazing to talk to) Simon we walked to St Paul's Cathedral.... not before stopping off in All Bar One for a 3pm shot.... as you do. St Paul's cathedral use to be free, I don't get it, why is it now £20. Sigh we popped in, refused to pay, Kristy took some pictures and on we went.
Damn this is going to be long.... I'm going to continue for a bit until their is a cliff hanger.
Ok so we headed to Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese... the oldest bar in London, which is an incredible place. Damn that bar is older then America which is ridiculous. Kristy's photos are awesome and filled with ghostly shapes.... hmmm. Ok so there we met some Aussies on a pub crawl, the monopoly pub crawl, and Rachel and Ali wanted to follow (by now Simon had left). So we went in to a bar with them, with them clearly signalling that they didn't want us there. It was in the gents that I overheard them just ripping in to the girls. TO be fair some of the things they were saying were funny, but these girls were my Americans, nobody insults my americans except me!!! So that's where it kind of kicked off.... 4 aussies v me with 7 more upstairs.... why do I do these things..................................................
To set the scene most of the time I am a hermit on Saurdays until 4pm following a late friday night. On friday my friend Kristy arrived from America with 2 of her friends along for the ride. So I left work and shot down to Aldgate East to meet them - one hell of a mission from Hemel via Edgware. Anyhoo I got there and they were all shattered but were game to find a bar with music.... good luck in London.
THe obvious decision was to venture down Brick Lane - unsurprisingly we were approached by 20 different Indian restaurants trying to coax us in but we escaped un-curryfied. We got to Vibe Bar and decided that 9pm was far too early for Vibe so kept walking. It's super difficult when you have people from America over, you are a Londoner, they expect you know your city, and you realise you know nothing about East London!! Anyway afterwalking the length of brick lane we jumped on an overground train to go back to past Aldgate East station and on to Tower Hill - if in doubt go to the pomellers rest, a hevenly spoons with drinks galore (but no music - and a place that I've found myself being asked to leave for talking too loud far too often).
Before we got to the Pommellers we stopped by and enjoyed the view of the Tower of London, it was whilst looking that we saw the most incredible playground. A slide that doesn't slide wasn;t enough to ruin it, the jump on merry go round, the amazing bouncy thing that I can;t describe, all I know was I was drunk before I'd drunk. Next up was the incredible walk over Tower Bridge. You know sometimes I really take where I live for granted and it's only by being with people that have never seen it before that you truly appreciate it, AMAZING. More of that to come later :)
On to the Pomeller: that's where the night really started, introducing the yanks to Koppabergs joy, the bottle of happiness that wakes you up! After a couple of hours, and far too many Jagerbombs we were on the move - not before Kristy had an interaction with a Cockney Lass. The Cockney Lass was insiting on calling a cab for us, and when we politely said no its fine its quicker if we jump in a black cab she turned on us rapidly! Lovely drunk cockney girls, curteous and classy.
Anyway we hopped in to the cab and I was sitting on the fold down chair facing back. Ali - Kristy's mate who it has to be said is awesome, decided she wanted to sit inmy seat so pulled me out of it and tried to sit down, not realising it was a fold down chair and ending up on the floor of a moving taxi. Hilarious! The cab took us to Vibe bar where it was £5 a head, and by now it was midnight. Thanks to their amazing american charm Kristy, Ali and Rachel got all 4 of us in for £10! Vibe bar has got to be one of the most unique experiences in London. Trance, house, dance, heaven in what seems like a dissused warehouse, worn down building. The music system sucks, the DJ couldn't mix to save his life, but the tunes and atmosphere made it incredible. If only the drinks weren't bank breaking.
Following Vibe Bar we made a trip back to the hotel via the off licence where we haggled our way to cheap booze. After a few hours in their hotel the night was done. Saturday was an early start and meeting up at 1pm at the Pomeller Rest.
After a drink or two in the Pomellers, and meeting up with Rachel's friend (by the way Rachel is so brilliant and amazing to talk to) Simon we walked to St Paul's Cathedral.... not before stopping off in All Bar One for a 3pm shot.... as you do. St Paul's cathedral use to be free, I don't get it, why is it now £20. Sigh we popped in, refused to pay, Kristy took some pictures and on we went.
Damn this is going to be long.... I'm going to continue for a bit until their is a cliff hanger.
Ok so we headed to Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese... the oldest bar in London, which is an incredible place. Damn that bar is older then America which is ridiculous. Kristy's photos are awesome and filled with ghostly shapes.... hmmm. Ok so there we met some Aussies on a pub crawl, the monopoly pub crawl, and Rachel and Ali wanted to follow (by now Simon had left). So we went in to a bar with them, with them clearly signalling that they didn't want us there. It was in the gents that I overheard them just ripping in to the girls. TO be fair some of the things they were saying were funny, but these girls were my Americans, nobody insults my americans except me!!! So that's where it kind of kicked off.... 4 aussies v me with 7 more upstairs.... why do I do these things..................................................
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Underworld.... underwhelming
SPOILER, THIS IS A HUGE SPOILER POST SO SORRY BUT I HAVE WARNED YOU
-------------SPOILER----------------------SPOILER--------------SPOILER
Ok so I am just back from seeing the new Underworld and to be honest it was so bad.
First off why the hell was it in 3d, why are people doing 3d films just for the sake of making it 3d this is just ridiculous, why why why?
Next, Kate Beckinsales character at the start of the film jumps out a building, lands on a lorry from a 4 floor drop and lands on her side, unable to keep her balance. Cut to a later event and there she is jumping 20 odd floors/stories and lands on her feet perfectly.... like are you serious?
Right, so it turns out Kate Beckinsale had a child whilst she was "asleep" for 12 years, that I can almost understand because medically speaking people can have a child without being conscious... perhaps. Anyway I'll let that slide, HOWEVER, her 12 year old AT MAX, daughter has the advanced vocabulary, spouting phrases that are beyond the capability of a 20 year old, additionally she is completely aware of her abilities as a hybrid even thought there is continuous references to her not knowing how powerful she really is. SO supposedly she has been looked after for 12 years by some nurse, which is where she picked up the English language from, damn it must of been some super phd nurse for some of the stuff she was saying.
Now to one of the biggest errors. WHO THE FUCK is in charge of casting for this film and why the hell weren't they fired? Kate Beckinsale is stunning, absolutely perfect in every way, and of course adorably English in an American film. Kate Beckinsale and her hybrid lover supposedly created their daughter. Her hybrid loverbeing America, the film taking place in... America, and Kate Beckinsale being unconscious for the entire 12 year period her daughter has grown up and taught English by an American nurse... in America, yet somehow they decided to cast a girl with an English accent..... an American actres at that..... how the hell does that make sense? Don't get me wrong India Eisley is an incredible actresss and was one of the standout performances, but why was she doing an English accent. Also, she isn't 12, doesn't look 12 clearly, in fact she is 18 in real life, and asmentioned American, and pretty famous.
So let's get this right... they needed an actress to play a 12 year old girl daughter to an English woman and American man, born in America, raised by an American. I know what would be good, lets get an 18 year old American actress, and get her character to do an English accent....... Right ok great well done you geniuses.
Argh the film just tilts me it was so bad. I also don't get the end. This superstar lygra that "heals instantly" and has brutal strength gets his stomach ripped open and a grenade put in it, to which he heals over it, panics and explodes.... 10 seconds afterthe grenade is put inside him. I am expected to believe he wouldnt just rip his stomach open himself and throw the grenade out? Right yup ok whatever.
Seriously Kate Beckinsale in Lycra is the only good thing in this movie, well also her being nude for one scene was awesome too but the 3d did nothing for me, the movie made no sense, and unfortunately the worst part is they have left it open for another sequel.... great now I know what to avoid in 3 years!
-------------SPOILER----------------------SPOILER--------------SPOILER
Ok so I am just back from seeing the new Underworld and to be honest it was so bad.
First off why the hell was it in 3d, why are people doing 3d films just for the sake of making it 3d this is just ridiculous, why why why?
Next, Kate Beckinsales character at the start of the film jumps out a building, lands on a lorry from a 4 floor drop and lands on her side, unable to keep her balance. Cut to a later event and there she is jumping 20 odd floors/stories and lands on her feet perfectly.... like are you serious?
Right, so it turns out Kate Beckinsale had a child whilst she was "asleep" for 12 years, that I can almost understand because medically speaking people can have a child without being conscious... perhaps. Anyway I'll let that slide, HOWEVER, her 12 year old AT MAX, daughter has the advanced vocabulary, spouting phrases that are beyond the capability of a 20 year old, additionally she is completely aware of her abilities as a hybrid even thought there is continuous references to her not knowing how powerful she really is. SO supposedly she has been looked after for 12 years by some nurse, which is where she picked up the English language from, damn it must of been some super phd nurse for some of the stuff she was saying.
Now to one of the biggest errors. WHO THE FUCK is in charge of casting for this film and why the hell weren't they fired? Kate Beckinsale is stunning, absolutely perfect in every way, and of course adorably English in an American film. Kate Beckinsale and her hybrid lover supposedly created their daughter. Her hybrid loverbeing America, the film taking place in... America, and Kate Beckinsale being unconscious for the entire 12 year period her daughter has grown up and taught English by an American nurse... in America, yet somehow they decided to cast a girl with an English accent..... an American actres at that..... how the hell does that make sense? Don't get me wrong India Eisley is an incredible actresss and was one of the standout performances, but why was she doing an English accent. Also, she isn't 12, doesn't look 12 clearly, in fact she is 18 in real life, and asmentioned American, and pretty famous.
So let's get this right... they needed an actress to play a 12 year old girl daughter to an English woman and American man, born in America, raised by an American. I know what would be good, lets get an 18 year old American actress, and get her character to do an English accent....... Right ok great well done you geniuses.
Argh the film just tilts me it was so bad. I also don't get the end. This superstar lygra that "heals instantly" and has brutal strength gets his stomach ripped open and a grenade put in it, to which he heals over it, panics and explodes.... 10 seconds afterthe grenade is put inside him. I am expected to believe he wouldnt just rip his stomach open himself and throw the grenade out? Right yup ok whatever.
Seriously Kate Beckinsale in Lycra is the only good thing in this movie, well also her being nude for one scene was awesome too but the 3d did nothing for me, the movie made no sense, and unfortunately the worst part is they have left it open for another sequel.... great now I know what to avoid in 3 years!
Wednesday, 18 January 2012
Breaking Bad - Incredible show, or ridiculed with inconsistency in character writing
So let me just say this now, from the start. I think that at times this show is the greatest thing I've seen, and have regularly argued that character depth, clever plots and interesting stories make it, on occasions, better than the wire (Ok your either laughing now or shaking your head but there, I said it.) Well essentially the latest season, and in fact some of the season before, are just ridiculed with inconsistency. Without a doubt either the writers changed or they work shifts. It seems as if people are playing the game where someone writes a sentence and then passes the paper to the next person, who without looking at the things written before, writes the next. Ok that is extreem but it potentially ruined a fantastic show.
There are so many things I could point out, but thanfully someone I know, whose blog I follow regularly due to his incredible writing style and ability to take you in to his world with his captivating descriptions of his life in complete openess, has already covered this issue. Just a pre warning, if you haven't seen Breaking Bad season 4 finale, this is a spoiler.... SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!
Following on from this is his blog post - please take a look at his blog on www.pokerheadrush.com I know if you like reading my blogs you will like his because his openess and honesty was one of the reasons I decided to write myself.
"Why Breaking Bad Pisses Me Off
Posted by Alex Fitzgerald on December 14, 2011 · Leave a Comment
I finished Breaking Bad the other day. Yeah, I know, I’m a little behind, but I don’t get the kind of free time I wish I did. That and my internet connection is bad ass stable here…for poker, it really sucks at downloading things for some reason. Some websites I can download things decently fast but torrents are annoying.
The first six episodes of this season were painfully boring too. I’ll admit, I was into it for the last three episodes, and there were some scenes that were just mind blowingly cool.
SPOILER ALERT -
I’M GOING TO START SPOILING THINGS -
TURN YOUR EYES NOW IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN BREAKING BAD,
I HATE SPOILERS SO DON’T READ THIS BLOG IF YOU WANT TO ENJOY THIS SHOW.
Anyway…
Spoilers coming, like now.
The scene where Gus died, that was just such an intelligent move. He’d become such an unbreakable seeming that it was conceivable he could walk away from that explosion, that it went off incorrectly. I didn’t see what was coming when they panned left…just didn’t expect it at all. I really could have believed they wouldn’t get rid of him till the final season, but damn…was that good.
But at the same time that scene is like masturbating with a cast on your hand. Sure, you’re happy to finally get off, but the build-up left you with scars it was so poorly conceived.
I just can’t get over the retarded plot points in this show. I try as hard as I can to turn off my brain when I watch television, and just enjoy it, but there’s so many parts in this show that just scream, “a clown ass graduate of some piece of shit writing college thought he got the character down and wrote this crap.” Like if I was directing this series, if this was my baby, I would be throwing the fucking scripts these guys write back at them.
Gus was a killer, killer character. Giancarlo Esposito proved television can deliver blood curling performances . And yet…they screw up his character so much.
Okay, so the guy who has detail so good that no one can approach his house, that he has cameras everywhere, that he can somehow convince someone who killed his best friend to swallow a whole jug of poison upon their first meeting in 20 years (amiiiiiigo….soooorrry I killled him….sure I will drink this special potion you brought in….what’s that?….none of your men will drink it?…no problem…the great smart Cartel who apparently owns so much of Mexico we can get up into America…we are all going to drink something a former enemy brought to us upon their first visit…what is that?…you need to go to the restroom 20 minutes after digestion…no chance you’re vomiting this up). This badass who apparently runs everything…this guy dies THIS WAY?
He sends his man to look everywhere in the place. The guy clears it without poking his head out to see if anyone’s close to the window, but okay, I’ll buy that, they were heated.
But that brings up another point. If the guy’s bell is going to blow up the pipe bomb, why is Walter there? To get close to the debris? So there’s a chance he can get caught, and show they’re working together?
But okay, all of that aside, Gus and his aid/henchman whatever walk in there. They wheel around the old Cartel remember, if I remember correctly. He stares at him, and even kneels down to get a better look at him.
At no point does Gus, drug dealing superman, sociopath, so brilliant he runs a gazillion companies, at no point does this guy with a 180 fucking IQ go WOW THAT IS A BIG FUCKING PIPE BOMB STRAPPED TO THIS WHEELCHAIR. It’s not like it was small. It looked like if you tilted your head to the side for a second you would have seen it. And they were wheeling the chair around and walking around it and everything.
I mean, wouldn’t that be surveillance part number one, to check under the chair? An old enemy goes to the DEA after his whole family is killed, and then prepares a suicide bombing for when his torturer arrives…yeah…that sounds kind of logical. What does he have to live for? What other way could he hurt him but a bomb? The guy can’t really grab a gun. Wait, is there anyone on the loose right now I have a beef with who knows anything about explosives?
HE MUST suspect some kind of an explosion, considering the scene where he’s walking to his car in the hospital parking garage…and he gets a sixth sense…so he (wtf) walks to the edge of the parking garage where any sniper could hit him? Okay, maybe Walt’s not that good, couldn’t procur that rifle in a short time, or an assassin to do it, but if he left his car in the garage and didn’t take basic steps to prevent himself from being shot by sniper rounds, he must suspect a bomb, and a bomb only.
And then his old enemy, who has never had interest in squeeling, even on his enemies when he’s had the chance, signs up to go to the DEA? You plan a meeting that day with him, with supervision so bad you don’t check the backyard, or what’s under the wheelchair?
And how the hell is his security so good that they just happen to be watching this old crippled man on the day he decides to take a trip to the DEA. Okay, maybe someone called him from the hospital, but then does he really have no one in the DEA? This guy who knows everything about every one of his employees, he doesn’t have one guy who can tell them the old cartel told them nothing.
While entertaining, wasn’t that a stupid move, to tell the DEA to suck your dick? Those cops will talk to other people, who likely Gus could talk to. Not one guy working the coffee machine can tell this titan of the drug trade “the guy came in and said nothing.” Wouldn’t that lead him to believe it was a trap?
It’s just so obvious this is written by a number of people. The acting is incredibly good that it saves the wavering writing from time to time, but there’s just such gross differences in the characters from scene to scene.
Like Skylar. One moment she’s so scared about lying to her sister and DEA brother-in-law about the car wash that she writes a script, and she’s so unnatural at REHEARSING a lie that she practically stutters through phrases like “its a dooozy!” and is choking on each word like it will get her killed. Then the next minute, to save Ted’s business, she’s the best dumb ho in the world? She has on-point answers to every question the IRS grills her with, and is just a ridiculously good character actor all of the sudden? She shows no fear about putting herself in the line of fire like that?
Jesse, who has a Mexican girlfriend, who has Mexican friends, who has lived in Arizona for a long time, at one point deep in the series states, “how am I going to read anything there when the instructions are in Mexican?” Really, he doesn’t know its called Spanish?
I was hoping this season wouldn’t have more of this crap, because I almost died laughing at Hank running away from the RV stand off in the season before that. The guy has been searching for this meth lab for months and months, and then gets a call that his wife is in an accident. At no point does he ask for more details, or to be redirected to someone, because, you know, he’s a fucking cop and he probably can speak to someone I imagine if his wife has been in an accident, hell he might know somebody overseeing the traffic cop who worked the case. But aside from that, he doesn’t think to call his wife till when he’s at the hospital? Just to, you know, see if he couldn’t be the person with the world’s worst timing?
It’s just shoddy writing. Which is annoying, because this series had/has so much potential. I’m falling asleep during this show and not paying attention at all. I miss plot points all the time and frequently don’t figure out anything in a show. I shouldn’t be bothered this much, I know, but I hate being taken out of a show like that.
I really enjoy this show, and want to see Season 5, but…god, Gus was such a good character. I wanted a greater build-up and payoff. I wanted there to be more narrow escapes than, “hey I’m ready for sniper fire” and a more elaborate assassination then “we forgot to check the backyard or if the one button this guy could press is hooked up to an explosive.”""""
Ok so there are a lot of things I agree with here Skyler's character and Giancarlo Esposito incredible acting ability, and even agree that occasionally I would look away from the screen and suddenly have no idea of what was going on, but having then gone back through those episodes before watching the next it is clear that there are so many elements of genius in the story, Gus' death and Walt's ability to manipulate and premeditate everything leading up to it to name just one. To clear it up though, I didn't think Walt was at the Nursing home when the explosion went off, there were too many cars hence why he was listening to the radio to hear confirmation on the news that shit had most certainly hit the fan, but anyhoo Alex's blog post above is genius.
To have a direct link to his blogs, and this one in particular take a look at http://www.pokerheadrush.com/2011/12/14/why-breaking-bad-pisses-me-off/ and look around the site, it's not often you get a poker pro giving readers more substance then "lost a flip for 20k FML"!
There are so many things I could point out, but thanfully someone I know, whose blog I follow regularly due to his incredible writing style and ability to take you in to his world with his captivating descriptions of his life in complete openess, has already covered this issue. Just a pre warning, if you haven't seen Breaking Bad season 4 finale, this is a spoiler.... SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!
Following on from this is his blog post - please take a look at his blog on www.pokerheadrush.com I know if you like reading my blogs you will like his because his openess and honesty was one of the reasons I decided to write myself.
"Why Breaking Bad Pisses Me Off
Posted by Alex Fitzgerald on December 14, 2011 · Leave a Comment
I finished Breaking Bad the other day. Yeah, I know, I’m a little behind, but I don’t get the kind of free time I wish I did. That and my internet connection is bad ass stable here…for poker, it really sucks at downloading things for some reason. Some websites I can download things decently fast but torrents are annoying.
The first six episodes of this season were painfully boring too. I’ll admit, I was into it for the last three episodes, and there were some scenes that were just mind blowingly cool.
SPOILER ALERT -
I’M GOING TO START SPOILING THINGS -
TURN YOUR EYES NOW IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN BREAKING BAD,
I HATE SPOILERS SO DON’T READ THIS BLOG IF YOU WANT TO ENJOY THIS SHOW.
Anyway…
Spoilers coming, like now.
The scene where Gus died, that was just such an intelligent move. He’d become such an unbreakable seeming that it was conceivable he could walk away from that explosion, that it went off incorrectly. I didn’t see what was coming when they panned left…just didn’t expect it at all. I really could have believed they wouldn’t get rid of him till the final season, but damn…was that good.
But at the same time that scene is like masturbating with a cast on your hand. Sure, you’re happy to finally get off, but the build-up left you with scars it was so poorly conceived.
I just can’t get over the retarded plot points in this show. I try as hard as I can to turn off my brain when I watch television, and just enjoy it, but there’s so many parts in this show that just scream, “a clown ass graduate of some piece of shit writing college thought he got the character down and wrote this crap.” Like if I was directing this series, if this was my baby, I would be throwing the fucking scripts these guys write back at them.
Gus was a killer, killer character. Giancarlo Esposito proved television can deliver blood curling performances . And yet…they screw up his character so much.
Okay, so the guy who has detail so good that no one can approach his house, that he has cameras everywhere, that he can somehow convince someone who killed his best friend to swallow a whole jug of poison upon their first meeting in 20 years (amiiiiiigo….soooorrry I killled him….sure I will drink this special potion you brought in….what’s that?….none of your men will drink it?…no problem…the great smart Cartel who apparently owns so much of Mexico we can get up into America…we are all going to drink something a former enemy brought to us upon their first visit…what is that?…you need to go to the restroom 20 minutes after digestion…no chance you’re vomiting this up). This badass who apparently runs everything…this guy dies THIS WAY?
He sends his man to look everywhere in the place. The guy clears it without poking his head out to see if anyone’s close to the window, but okay, I’ll buy that, they were heated.
But that brings up another point. If the guy’s bell is going to blow up the pipe bomb, why is Walter there? To get close to the debris? So there’s a chance he can get caught, and show they’re working together?
But okay, all of that aside, Gus and his aid/henchman whatever walk in there. They wheel around the old Cartel remember, if I remember correctly. He stares at him, and even kneels down to get a better look at him.
At no point does Gus, drug dealing superman, sociopath, so brilliant he runs a gazillion companies, at no point does this guy with a 180 fucking IQ go WOW THAT IS A BIG FUCKING PIPE BOMB STRAPPED TO THIS WHEELCHAIR. It’s not like it was small. It looked like if you tilted your head to the side for a second you would have seen it. And they were wheeling the chair around and walking around it and everything.
I mean, wouldn’t that be surveillance part number one, to check under the chair? An old enemy goes to the DEA after his whole family is killed, and then prepares a suicide bombing for when his torturer arrives…yeah…that sounds kind of logical. What does he have to live for? What other way could he hurt him but a bomb? The guy can’t really grab a gun. Wait, is there anyone on the loose right now I have a beef with who knows anything about explosives?
HE MUST suspect some kind of an explosion, considering the scene where he’s walking to his car in the hospital parking garage…and he gets a sixth sense…so he (wtf) walks to the edge of the parking garage where any sniper could hit him? Okay, maybe Walt’s not that good, couldn’t procur that rifle in a short time, or an assassin to do it, but if he left his car in the garage and didn’t take basic steps to prevent himself from being shot by sniper rounds, he must suspect a bomb, and a bomb only.
And then his old enemy, who has never had interest in squeeling, even on his enemies when he’s had the chance, signs up to go to the DEA? You plan a meeting that day with him, with supervision so bad you don’t check the backyard, or what’s under the wheelchair?
And how the hell is his security so good that they just happen to be watching this old crippled man on the day he decides to take a trip to the DEA. Okay, maybe someone called him from the hospital, but then does he really have no one in the DEA? This guy who knows everything about every one of his employees, he doesn’t have one guy who can tell them the old cartel told them nothing.
While entertaining, wasn’t that a stupid move, to tell the DEA to suck your dick? Those cops will talk to other people, who likely Gus could talk to. Not one guy working the coffee machine can tell this titan of the drug trade “the guy came in and said nothing.” Wouldn’t that lead him to believe it was a trap?
It’s just so obvious this is written by a number of people. The acting is incredibly good that it saves the wavering writing from time to time, but there’s just such gross differences in the characters from scene to scene.
Like Skylar. One moment she’s so scared about lying to her sister and DEA brother-in-law about the car wash that she writes a script, and she’s so unnatural at REHEARSING a lie that she practically stutters through phrases like “its a dooozy!” and is choking on each word like it will get her killed. Then the next minute, to save Ted’s business, she’s the best dumb ho in the world? She has on-point answers to every question the IRS grills her with, and is just a ridiculously good character actor all of the sudden? She shows no fear about putting herself in the line of fire like that?
Jesse, who has a Mexican girlfriend, who has Mexican friends, who has lived in Arizona for a long time, at one point deep in the series states, “how am I going to read anything there when the instructions are in Mexican?” Really, he doesn’t know its called Spanish?
I was hoping this season wouldn’t have more of this crap, because I almost died laughing at Hank running away from the RV stand off in the season before that. The guy has been searching for this meth lab for months and months, and then gets a call that his wife is in an accident. At no point does he ask for more details, or to be redirected to someone, because, you know, he’s a fucking cop and he probably can speak to someone I imagine if his wife has been in an accident, hell he might know somebody overseeing the traffic cop who worked the case. But aside from that, he doesn’t think to call his wife till when he’s at the hospital? Just to, you know, see if he couldn’t be the person with the world’s worst timing?
It’s just shoddy writing. Which is annoying, because this series had/has so much potential. I’m falling asleep during this show and not paying attention at all. I miss plot points all the time and frequently don’t figure out anything in a show. I shouldn’t be bothered this much, I know, but I hate being taken out of a show like that.
I really enjoy this show, and want to see Season 5, but…god, Gus was such a good character. I wanted a greater build-up and payoff. I wanted there to be more narrow escapes than, “hey I’m ready for sniper fire” and a more elaborate assassination then “we forgot to check the backyard or if the one button this guy could press is hooked up to an explosive.”""""
Ok so there are a lot of things I agree with here Skyler's character and Giancarlo Esposito incredible acting ability, and even agree that occasionally I would look away from the screen and suddenly have no idea of what was going on, but having then gone back through those episodes before watching the next it is clear that there are so many elements of genius in the story, Gus' death and Walt's ability to manipulate and premeditate everything leading up to it to name just one. To clear it up though, I didn't think Walt was at the Nursing home when the explosion went off, there were too many cars hence why he was listening to the radio to hear confirmation on the news that shit had most certainly hit the fan, but anyhoo Alex's blog post above is genius.
To have a direct link to his blogs, and this one in particular take a look at http://www.pokerheadrush.com/2011/12/14/why-breaking-bad-pisses-me-off/ and look around the site, it's not often you get a poker pro giving readers more substance then "lost a flip for 20k FML"!
Monday, 16 January 2012
Sort out your head!
Seriously I can't believe I've gone back to this, I've become hot headed again. I guess things aren't going the way I wantand instead of looking at new routes I've allowed myself to start blaming the world, claiming it's unfair. Damn I didn't want to be like this but at least I've realised before it is too late and before I upset someone.
There's a number of things that have happened, or haven't. There is nothing as bad as having someone fall out of love with you, it hurts. Working your arse off and not having it recognised is painful too. I work 11+ hour days most of the time and it means I get home tired, moody, and emotional. This job has such an effect on your emotional state and it's tough, it's good and I love the workplace but it is tough and you need to be thick skinned, something I was good at but recent events have made me more emotional then usual and it sucks big time. I need to get my head back into it all, stop allowing things effect me the way they do, but it is hard.
I allowed it to have an impact on me in a work football game today, I had a bad tackle on me, nothing given, and instead of getting revenge by upping my game it went to my head and I wanted revenge. How does that make sense? Somebody accidentally takes you out so you deliberately try and take them out, they are a mate but all of a sudden it doesn't matter it's like I want to take this situation and turn it around, but I definitely did it in the wrong manner. Luckily no fouls happened from me, but I did receive a push to the head, a thing that the old, lairy, aggresive 15 year old me would of reacted to by throwing a punch, I'm glad that is under control at least.
I really like writing this all down, I like having a way of getting it all out. Most of the time I kind of wish nobody read this, but at the same time I clearly want them too. I want people to be there for me, take me out for a beer... nobody has done that since IT ended and that really sucks. I wish I was the script album lol. Don't get me wrong my friends are there and it is my fault because they ask how I feel about it all and I say, yeah fine, I don't like bringing other people down or putting my issues on to them, that's not my job.
I guess Bill Hicks really summed up this world, and I think the best way to end this post. Hopefully the next one will be positive as per the new year resolutions.
"The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, "Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, "Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we … kill those people. "Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace."
There's a number of things that have happened, or haven't. There is nothing as bad as having someone fall out of love with you, it hurts. Working your arse off and not having it recognised is painful too. I work 11+ hour days most of the time and it means I get home tired, moody, and emotional. This job has such an effect on your emotional state and it's tough, it's good and I love the workplace but it is tough and you need to be thick skinned, something I was good at but recent events have made me more emotional then usual and it sucks big time. I need to get my head back into it all, stop allowing things effect me the way they do, but it is hard.
I allowed it to have an impact on me in a work football game today, I had a bad tackle on me, nothing given, and instead of getting revenge by upping my game it went to my head and I wanted revenge. How does that make sense? Somebody accidentally takes you out so you deliberately try and take them out, they are a mate but all of a sudden it doesn't matter it's like I want to take this situation and turn it around, but I definitely did it in the wrong manner. Luckily no fouls happened from me, but I did receive a push to the head, a thing that the old, lairy, aggresive 15 year old me would of reacted to by throwing a punch, I'm glad that is under control at least.
I really like writing this all down, I like having a way of getting it all out. Most of the time I kind of wish nobody read this, but at the same time I clearly want them too. I want people to be there for me, take me out for a beer... nobody has done that since IT ended and that really sucks. I wish I was the script album lol. Don't get me wrong my friends are there and it is my fault because they ask how I feel about it all and I say, yeah fine, I don't like bringing other people down or putting my issues on to them, that's not my job.
I guess Bill Hicks really summed up this world, and I think the best way to end this post. Hopefully the next one will be positive as per the new year resolutions.
"The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, "Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, "Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we … kill those people. "Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace."
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